“I would like to thank the employees of Crunch gym for providing my finale venue of choice. Even though I tripped and fell in front of half the gym when they showed my interview with Robbie, watching myself on the big screen while burning a few calories on the treadmill was a nice way...

What a yawner of a finale that was. It seems strange to even use the word “finale,” which connotes something more grandiose than this whimper of an ending. Apparently, Elle is staffed almost entirely by brittle women with bad hair who can’t walk in heels. This one had all...

Darlings, the bitchery comes to an end tonight as one of these bitches gets rewarded with a low-paying job and enough H&M clothes to choke a college student. Strangely, that doesn’t make it feel like the stakes are very high. So which bitch is it gonna be? You tell us: Gay Bitch,...

Congrats to Megan for winning the assistant challenge. She’s definitely the one to beat for the big prize. For all her week-to-week bitchery (which, admittedly, has been toned down in recent weeks), she’s the only one who consistently shows that she knows what she’s doing....

“Last night I watched the show with an eagerness to accept the consequences and move on from the experience. That was until the botched editing job distorted the chain of events.” “Meeting Zac Posen was one of my Top 10 things to do before I die.” “I have very...

Well, it’s always nice to see the show veer unexpectedly towards the actual fashion world. Not that this was the most realistic challenge – editorial assistants, after all, aren’t in the habit of mounting fashion shows all by themselves – but it did really put the...

Y’all, Ashlie has a question. She’s asking, how will she know if he really loves her? Because apparently, she says a prayer with every heartbeat. She even falls in love whenever they meet. She’s asking you because you know about these things. “Making a model happy...

Dear Miss Banks, Miss Slowey, and Miss Zee, When monkeys fly out our butts and this show gets picked up for a second season, we urge you to consider the following: people don’t want to watch assistants slogging their way through humiliating tasks like fixing your breakfast or kissing...

Okay, let’s get back to it. What else happened? Oh, right. They had another shopping competition. Yawn. At least this was more in line with something an assistant would be asked to do: buy a thank you gift to give for a client or associate. And the winner is: the only team that seemed...

Y’know, last night’s show was almost kindasorta an improvement. Even though the “memorize all the partygoers” challenge was lifted straight out of The Devil Wears Prada, it had the feel of something an assistant would be asked to do and it felt like it was more...

Alright kittens, we vented our anger with the show in the last Stylista post, so let’s go back to ripping it. We think this was better from a conceptual standpoint than the other team’s page, but just barely. It’s better in the sense that it’s cohesive and you can tell...

Y’all, we’re starting to get a little concerned about Ashlie. “You better count your blessings, girls. I don’t know, you’ve had this amazing guardian angel that wants you to do so well and I don’t know why for the life of me. I have like no faith...

Oh, girl. As soon as you started talking about how “immacher” everyone else is, we knew you’d be holding the blue box at the end of the episode. Not that we can blame her. Everyone on this show IS immature. Ridiculously so. Oh, and if you want to set yourself apart from the...

Let’s wrap up this student drama, shall we? It’s a decent effort. We think it won by default just because the other pages were lamer. For a page that’s all about color, it’s awfully muted, though. And the judges rightfully pointed out that it was a mistake to have a...

Kittens, we can’t do it. As much as they tried to push mini-Tootie here as a little bitch-in-training, the fact is, she’s just a kid who was probably excited to be on TV. We’d love to rip her to shreds, but even cold-hearted gays like us draw the line at tearing into...

Oh, honeys. Trust us when we say we’ll get to this later. For now, let’s talk about poor Cologne. If this doesn’t sum up the team dynamic – disdain, ignore, whine – then we don’t know what does. Ashlie is getting angrier with each episode and in a way, we...

Darlings, we’re still reeling from the shock of last night (Michelle Obama’s dress), but we’re willing to forge onward and put last week’s Stylista to bed so we can settle in for tonight’s trainwreck. Coincidence that the shoes are arranged in rainbow flag order?...

The plot thickens! Click to make bigger! [Illustrations: Alex...

Man, there is nothing like a bunch of camera-hungry students willing to fuck themselves over for their 15 minutes of fame, is there? We’re going to need to retire the term “trainwreck” because we’ve used it so much to describe this show. For now, we’ll go with...

Let’s take a look and see how the Yearbook Committee did with their assignments, shall we? Team Stiff is more like it. It looks like a mannequin auction. This show is going to win awards for ripping off the veil and exposing the harsh reality of clueless twentysomethings who can’t...

Stylista is such a trainwreck that even Alex has to hop on board! We are proud to present the first installment of: THE TOOTIEVILLE HORROR!   More Tootie horror to come! [Illustrations: Alex...