Wow, could she be any more uncomfortable? Look at how she’s sitting. Kick him in the balls, Tara! He’s so intense, little round mirrors are flying out of his head. “But I thought you were a fairy!…” “I think your legs are so important. They’re...

She’s all “An Empire waist and elbow-length gloves?” Check the sash, bitch! It says ‘Miss USA,’ Not ‘Miss Piggy!’ Get out my face!” [Screencap: Project...

Vera totally got into the spirit of things.  “I haven’t sewn in 25 years, but I made this dress in 12 hours out of the lining to an old set of luggage!” You go, girl! [Screencap: Project...

“Ew, you pissed your pants! You need to step back, bitch!”   “You’re gonna have to move three feet away from me. Please. Please.” [Screencaps: Project...

It sucks that she has to wear that getup any time she wants people to recognize her. Beauty queens are sort of like Wonder Woman that way. But seriously, isn’t she gorgeous? [Screencaps: Project...

You’d think he actually won Miss USA. Mmmmm. Savoring the gayness! [Screencaps: Project...

We love the before and the after face when the designers choose a different model. It’s like a portrait of rejection.   Bradley: “I really loved working with you, Camilla, the last time…” “…but I’m gonna have to choose Clarissa.” Bonnie:...

I mean, really. What was he thinking? Did he staple gummy bears to that thing?  The look on her face totally says “humor the crazy.” She looks like she got the strap next to the guy on the subway with no teeth and a homemade tinfoil cap. We think she must have had psychiatric...

Looks like Vincent was on chalkboard duty that day. [Screencaps: Project...

Is it just us, or is she high ALL. THE. TIME. [Screencaps: Project...

Shower curtain and a marker…Voila… your very own Victoria’s Secret. Can you hear the Angels? [Screencap: Project...

Nina is all excited. She says “Can I see the back?” And then she adds “And tell me about those buttons.” “Adorable!”Sweetie, we love you, but c’mon. What’s so innovative about buttons? Oh look, here’s a picture of Nina when she first...

My name is Ulimariavontrappautobahnpotsdamerplatz Herzner, but everyone calls me Uli. BTW, we LOVED your dress. Fierce and sophisticated.  And the bitch worked it. [Screencaps: Project...

Oh My God, this bitch is F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S! We so hope she makes it to the final three. You go, girl! [Screencap: Project...

“Oh, sweet.” Ew, no Bradley! Gross. Robert! Didn’t you ever hear of Clorox?   [Screencap: Project...

“How did she do that? I can’t even thread this bobbin.”  Look at that face. That is sheer panic. The only thing that’s keeping her from taking a cold shit in her pants is the knowledge that it would be broadcast to millions of people. “WTF AM I DOING HERE? I...

Y’know I thought he might have had cheek implants but those things look like breast implants.   Oh he is so totally a drag queen on open mike night. We LOVE him.   [Screencaps: Project...

“I live on a farm in the middle of quote-unquote, nowhere.” Hey look! We found a picture of Angela’s house! Look at all the muslin hanging out to dry. [Photo:...

We think these two pictures just about sum it up, don’t you? [Screencaps: Project...

We just put this shot of Laura up because we love her. Isn’t she F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S? Bitch took a 5 minute cab ride and brought $10,000 worth of luggage. What the hell kind of freaky ass shit is she beaming into her kids’ heads? “Remember not to breathe mommy’s...