Campari’s 2013 ‘Kiss Superstition Goodbye’ calendar features Penelope Cruz photographed by Kristian Schuller. Dress: Romona Keveza   January Dress: Zac Posen. Jewelry: Molina Cuevas.   February Dress: Azzedine Alaïa. Jewelry: Molina Cuevas.   March Dress:...

Penelope Cruz attends the 2012 Campari Calendar Launch in Milan, Italy in an Armani Privé gown paired with Chopard jewelry.       [Photo Credit:...

Oh, Penny. Honey, no. You’ve got to know when to step away from a garment.   Penelope Cruz attends ‘Venuto al mondo’ photocall in Rome in a Versace leather trench coat dress paired with Jimmy Choo pumps. Jimmy Choo Eros Platform Leather Pump It’s a shame, because...

Penelope Cruz attends the premiere of her new movie ‘Twice Born’ in Rome in a vintage Versace gown paired with Chopard jewelry.     [Photo Credit: Kika...

Oh, what the hell. Let’s declare it “Ridiculously Hot Spaniard Day” here at T Lo Ethnic Holidays, LLC. ¡Los españoles calientes, darlings! We slapped a couple pictures of her hot husband up, so let’s take a look at what Penny’s doing with herself. Penelope Cruz...

Oh, PennyChica. This is so wrong.   Penelope Cruz attends the premiere of ‘Twice Born’ during the 2012 Toronto International Film Festival in a vintage Atelier Versace gown paired with Swarovski jewelry. First, there’s the Barbie-Pink color. That’s not working...

While we’re still quite over lace dresses at the moment, we have to admit that certain ladies of Spanish or Italian descent get special dispensation when they choose well. Some types are just born for certain styles and the Latin ladies have generations of tradition to pull from when it...

We really wanted to love this.   Penelope Cruz attends the world premiere of  ”To Rome With Love”  in Rome in a Dolce&Gabbana gown. It’s a good-on-paper dress, but it’s not working for us. We’re as over black lace as we can possibly be, but the solution...

Penelope shows off her “SEXY HAIR” for Harper’s. She also shows off her “BOOBS” but they didn’t get a cover credit. Apparently, her hair has a better publicist than her boobs.   Penelope Cruz featured in the May 2012 issue of Harper’s Bazaar...

Darlings, we tweeted for SIX STRAIGHT HOURS last night! And can we just say? If you tweet for 6 straight hours, your sleep cycle gets very staccato and you wind up waking up over and over again. We’re pretty sure that’s because our dreams were all only 140 characters long. Hit it!...

Darlings, it was that BAFTAs! That wacky British awards ceremony where they all use the “loo” and spell “realize” with an s! Let’s rip their dresses anyway!   Alycia Lane  A pretty great dress poorly served by bland shoes and a necklace that doesn’t go...

Penelope Cruz gets her Princess Leia on for the cover of V magazine, but thankfully, there are no cinnamon buns on display. V magazine #72, the Fall Preview 2011 issue, featuring Penelope Cruz in Ralph Lauren, photographed by Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott. We kinda love that cover because...

Spain’s hottest couple hits the street, secure in the knowledge that everyone who sees them will want to have sex with at least one of them. Also, looking like they just had sex themselves. Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem have been honored on Madrid’s Walk of Fame. Penelope Cruz...

Darlings, the Pirates of the Caribbean PR juggernaut rolls on. Johnny and Penny showed up all fresh-scrubbed and pretty for a  photocall at Cannes. And since poor Penny wore such an ill-fitting dress the other day that the T Lo Commentariat shrieked and covered its eyes and begged us to stop...

Penelope Cruz attended the London Premiere of Pirates of the Caribbean Eleventy-Seven: Johnny’s Retirement Fund in a Givenchy haute couture gown. We are very upset, we’re warning you now. In fact, we’re going to do things a little backward here. We’re going to show you...

Like the title says, Penelope Cruz graces the cover of British GQ. What the title doesn’t say is that it may just be the worst picture of her we’ve ever seen. Check it: GQ UK June 2011 Issue Photographer: Mario Sorrenti Stylist: George Cortina Slip by Agent Provocateur. Dress by...

Darlings, two stars came out for the “Pirates of the Caribbean XIX: More Piratey!” movie premiere at Disneyland! Plus a bunch of contractually obligated D-listers showed up too! And Jodie Foster stopped by in between errands! Let’s point and laugh.   Penelope Cruz in...

Darlings, it was the prom night of the fashion world, as anybody who’s anybody descended on  New York City with their stomachs sucked in and in their very best borrowed finery. We’ve got a LOT of ground to cover, so get your coffee and let’s get started. Amy Adams in...

  Penelope Cruz honored with star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in Hollywood in a L’Wren Scott lace dress and Christian Louboutin shoes.     We like it. It’s simple but showy, which is pretty much exactly what you want for these kinds of photo ops. You want to catch...

Y’know, the bitchery’s just not flowing this morning, kittens. The ladies did pretty well last night, we have to say. But for you, we’ll try to work something up. Bitchery’s like phlegm that way; a couple good strong throat-clearings and the next thing you know,...

  Jennifer Aniston in Valentino Couture Spring 2009 She must’ve shit herself when she saw Anne Hathaway’s dress but she really should have shit herself when she saw what her hairstylist did. Jessica Biel in Prada The dress is just okay. Love the jewelry, hate the hair. Amanda...