Heidi Klum attends the 2013 Met Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City in a Marchesa gown accessorized with Harry Winston jewelry. Marchesa Fall 2013 Collection     [Photo Credit: Getty,...

Heidi Klum kicks-off the ‘Right End’ Hair Revolution with Clear Scalp & Hair Beauty Therapy event in a Thomas Wylde dress from the Fall 2013 Collection paired with Saint Laurent pumps. Saint Laurent ‘Janis’ Strappy Pump     [Photo Credit: Andrew Evans/PR...

It’s like Heidi leaped out of her pool and cried “Liebchen! We have to go shopping RIGHT NOW!”   Heidi Klum (pictured with bodyguard boyfriend Martin Kristen) does some shopping at Melrose Place in Los Angeles. Which is great and all, Heidi. Your bathing suit coverup...

Heidi Klum attends ‘America’s Got Talent’ Season 8 Hollywood Premiere Party in a Preen dress paired with Saint Laurent sandals. Preen by Thornton Bregazzi Ted Draped Stretch-crepe Dress Saint Laurent Strappy Studded Leather Sandal     [Photo Credit: Andrew Evans/PR...

Heidi Klum makes an appearance on ‘The Today Show’ in New York City in a Talbot Runhof dress. Talbot Runhof Fall 2012 Collection   [Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews.com,...

Ooooh, Mama’s got her EATIN’ PANTS on today! They must be heading to the IHOP.   Heidi Klum with her boyfriend and family in Honolulu, Hawaii. It’s actually a really cute outfit, we have to say. Perfect for a vacation. A vacation with all-you-can-eat buffets. You go,...

Guten Tag, Titsen!   Heidi Klum attends the 2013 Elton John AIDS Foundation Academy Awards Viewing Party in a Julien MacDonald plunging v-neck gown accessorized with Lorraine Schwartz jewelry. Julien MacDonald Fall 2013 Collection It is HILARIOUS to consider the runway look next to this...

We smiled indulgently at the following pics and said “Oh, HEIDI.” Then the theme music to her sitcom, Oh, HEIDI, started, in which we play the busybody, opinionated neighbors, always meddling in Heidi’s latest scheme to show off as much of her secondary sexual...

Even when it’s not tight and short, Fraulein Heidi still manages to almost flash her hoo-ha.   Heidi Klum makes an appearance on ‘The Tonight Show With Jay Leno’ in a Jean Paul Gaultier dress accessorized with Versace booties. Versace Lace-up Bootie It’s kind of a...

Keep it moving, people.   Allison Williams in J. Mendel Oddly stiff and unflattering.     Ariel Winter in Valentino Adorable, but we could have done without the headband.     Debra Messing in Donna Karan Entirely unflattering. And the skirt looks like the inside of...

Before we move on to the Critics Choice Awards red carpet, let’s wrap up our bitchery for the People’s Choice Awards. Because critics aren’t people, apparently.       Chris Colfer Such a disappointing little gay. He always dresses for the red carpet like...

Moms, don’t you find that it’s hard to come up with the appropriate outfit for those times when you take your boyfriend, who used to be your bodyguard, and your kids shopping at a Barney’s in Beverly Hills? Despite these horrifying difficulties and obstacles in her path, the...

Darlings, as we, the American Bitter Kittens, prepare to celebrate that most American of holidays (ethnic exploitation + stuffing your face), let’s all turn to our favorite German to provide us with a little fun and glamour. And hair. Lots and lots of hair.   Heidi Klum covers the...

No awards ceremony that dubs Justin Bieber the Artist of the Year deserves a moment of consideration, but there are dresses to rip, so we feel compelled to offer bitchy, drive-by assessments, darlings. Hit it, chanteuses and contractually obligated ABC stars!   Brandy  Uh… no....

Heidi Klum is slowly emerging from her dress chrysalis, you guys.     Heidi Klum attends the MTV Europe Music Awards 2012 in Frankfurt am Main, Germany in a Versace gown paired with Lorraine Schwartz jewelry. Versace Spring 2013 Collection/Model: Katlin Aas Oh, Fraulein. Never...

Heidi Klum gets fitted for her 13th annual Halloween party.   [Photo Credit: Michael Loccisano/Getty Images - Video Credit:...

Hit it, ladies!   Nina Garcia in Lanvin Lanvin Fall 2012 Collection She killed it. Her last couple of outfits have bored us just a little, but this is hitting all our buttons. And it’s a great way to work the black she favors while still bringing some glamour to the proceedings....

The Kluminator makes some highly questionable choices when she’s on the red carpet or on Project Runway, but one thing can’t be denied:   Heidi Klum spends her afternoon at a park with her family in Brentwood. Jimmy Choo ‘Bonbon’ Saddle Bag She’s got that...

We said last week it was gonna be a showdown once Zoe perched in her chair and Miss Nina certainly returned to form, but we’re starting to worry that Heidi’s thrown all her mirrors (as well as her common sense) out the window along with her baby daddy.   Heidi Klum in ASOS...

It’s mommy vs. mommy vs. mommy this week darlings, with The Duchess once again getting disqualified for being boring. And speaking of boring, what’s up with the second all-B&W panel in a row? At least there was a little bit of bling this time. Which mommy kicked the most ass?...

Homestretch, bitches. You can DO this!   Amanda Peet in Calvin Klein After seeing… we think it was Kat Dennings in one, we briefly considered tweeting that jeweled headbands were going to be a trend on the Emmys RC after we got a load of Miss Peet. But it appears our instincts to...