Okay, let’s break this down using math and science. 1) Viktor is a little bitch. 2) Bert is a bigger bitch.   We put off writing this, our apparently traditional Saturday post of wagging our fingers at Bert, because every interaction, as well as every bit of footage showing them...

We’ll give the creators credit: when they spin their wheels, you can’t always tell. Last week’s episode ended with Vera dead; Rex and Esther stuck inside the San Pedro overflow camp, and Gwen and Rhys inside the Wales overflow camp, trying to get her father out. Forty-five...

We’re thinking of naming all the teams this week after psychology terms. We’re taking suggestions, but we’ve already established who’s on Team Passive-Aggressive We really hate it when we come up with a good nickname for someone and then they get sent home. Watching...

We’ll say it. It’s a fanboy cliche and we don’t haul this one out often, but… WORST.   CHALLENGE.   EVER. What was the point? That’s what we kept asking. Was the circus in town? Was there some sort of upcoming social event for really tall women? At...

Darlings, we can practically guarantee that you don’t even remember the following two looks (unless you’re related to the designers). One of these seasons, we’re just gonna throw up a bunch of forgotten dresses from prior seasons just to see if anyone will notice. Anyway,...

MORE shitty dresses to rip! My God, when will it end, bitter kittens? WHEN WILL IT END? Becky Lorenzo was rather adamant in his response to this dress: “EW!” Tom was a little more nuanced. “What? I know the colors are gross and the concept’s been done to death, but...

Well if the judges can’t be arsed to critique these looks, we’ll just have to bark out our opinions in their place. Stand back. Sometimes there’s spit. Anya Anya used leashes and rope dog toys to put together this fetching little look. We didn’t hate it on sight or...

TO: Her Serene Imperial Majesty, on the occasion of her royal fuckup. We, the undersigned, have several points we wish Your Grace to consider when carrying out her Queenly Duties going forward. If it please Your Highness, we will proceed through the use of visual aids. And if it doesn’t...

Before we get started, we would just like to say… There’s a reason we call him Miss Clinique Counter. THERE IS AN HONEST-TO-OPRAH BEAUTY QUEEN NEXT TO HIM WEARING LESS PRODUCT ON HER FACE. His face looks literally painted on. Like he gets up in the morning sans eyes, nose, and...

We have to laugh. We realize we shouldn’t be laughing about the grimmest episode yet, ending with the (it was bound to happen eventually) gruesome death of a Torchwood team member, but we can’t help it. Sometimes, the silliness of the conceits we’re supposed to accept in...

When we can tell the commentariat is more eager to talk about the runner-up looks than the winner and the auf-ee, that’s when we know those judge bitches effectively pushed some buttons. So let’s get to it, minions. You know you want to. Like many in the T Lounge, as well as on...

How much is that doggy bed in the window, darlings? Who cares? Tim Gunn just gave me 300 bucks to spend! The first unconventional materials challenge! Yay! Did everyone take a drink every time someone said “unconventional?” We did, and we woke up some time around 4 am wondering...

When one is about to reach a milestone or accomplish something noteworthy, it behooves one to pause for a moment, breathe, and reflect upon the path that took them to this point. We didn’t actually reach a milestone or accomplish anything noteworthy; we just thought that made a better...

Penultimate premiere episode dress-rip, darlings! We’re in the home stretch. Don’t falter in your bitchery now. We’ll give Cecilia credit for two things: 1) She had some interesting clothes on her rack, indicating the strong point of view the judges value; and 2)She brought...

Viktor did the whole Hissing Bitch routine – you know, when someone who’s about as threatening as a makeup sponge narrows their eyes and tells the camera how all the competitors are going to fear them because blahblahblah – but after that, it’s like we never heard from...

A weekend guest coupled with a Macbook meltdown forced this review back a couple of days, for which we apologize, minions. About halfway through this episode, we sighed and whined as one, “Where are the aliens?” We indicated last week that the need for filler in a ten-hour story...

Onward, darlings! There are just so many of these famewhores to run down in the beginning! We’re not even half way through the list yet! Bryce seems capable and nice enough. He was the only one who admitted that the group underestimated Bert and that he had a new found respect for the...

Will the other top and other bottom please step forward for their post-judging judging? Anthony seems nice enough, but we have a very strong feeling that the mentions of his colorblindness and battle with cancer are going to get very old, very quickly. Not that he doesn’t have company...

We suspect that these next two are the ones everyone wants to talk about, so hit it, designers: Remember what we said in our earlier post about how these prejudging scenes are going to be used to form a narrative? The judges made such a big deal out of her sewing skills – going so far...

Oh my god, are you guys talking foreign? Was this episode very testicular for some reason? Lifetime hasn’t seen that much discussion about the male scrotum in… well, ever. It’s baaaaack. That was a pretty fun way to open the episode, yes? So many things threw us for a loop....

Before one episode aired, we had two worries about this series. Unfortunately, this episode confirmed both of them. We were concerned that ten episodes was too long a format for one story and we were also concerned that when it came time to stretch things out a bit, they’d fall back...