This is it! The big fat finale! Storylines that fizzle out and/or don’t make a fucking lick of sense! Hit it, you ridiculous pack of rabid queens! And one black girl! Austin, Jake and two awkward guys posing as their friends get into a pink limo that looks like a vinyl vagina on the...

Because no one should spend more than 5 minutes on these queens. Derek is throwing a party to launch his tanning product. Rodiney throws a party to launch his calendar. Nyasha is launching her “U.S. performing career.” Tom and Lorenzo are planning a party to launch all of these...

Last week on the A-List: Everyone got botox injections and hair plugs while having drunken, tearful public fights over shit no person with anything going on in their life would care about. In the real world, Tom and Lorenzo traipsed all over Fashion Week, blissfully relieved that their hotel...

By the time last night’s episode got to the point where people were fighting at the after-party for a wig launch party, we were both curled up on the floor in front of our TV, weeping and weakly calling out, “Please. No more. Can’t…take…any...

If LOGO cared about things like “sweeps weeks” then this would have been the episode to feature. For a show whose only (questionable) appeal is “Watch assholes act like assholes” an episode that could have been advertised with the tag line “This week on The A-List...

Dear TV Guide, Please allow the attached episode description to serve as every episode description for LOGO’s “exciting” reality series, The Real Fishwives of The A-List New York: “Various stereotypes with no marketable job skills meet up in empty restaurants all over...

Well this won’t do at all. This was a mostly uneventful episode and the one thing that did happen was an actual real-life problem which made us – oh, we can’t even say it. Fine. It made us feel bad for one of these little whores. There. Happy now? Shoot us in the face,...

Oh my goodness, kittens! So much not-important stuff sort of happened this episode! Let’s dive right in, shall we? Derek and Austin meet for lunch. Actually, that’s not quite true. Derek and Austin sit at a table outside a restaurant, order absolutely nothing, and talk about...

That’s right, ladies! Those vapid famewhores are BACK and we’re just the bitches to make them all cry! Our saga opens in a darkened, more than likely otherwise empty bar, where our heroines are all gathered tightly around a table. Things seem intense. Words are shouted out, but...

We SUFFERED through the reunion show last night simply because we knew we had a responsibility to the public to get up the next day and say bitchy things about it on the internet. If we were more attention-seeking types, we would have set up a live cam pointed at us on our couch, watching the...

Really? That’s it? Not that we were expecting an epic, let alone closure, but didn’t last night’s finale seem a little… we don’t know…flaccid? No one seemed particularly committed to the storyline, possibly because none of it made a damn bit of sense, so...

Bitches, we can’t. We’ve hit the wall. Mommy’s tired. Go play outside until dinnertime. Look, we’ve always approached this show in what we considered to be a healthy manner. Throw a bunch of attention whores into some awkward social and interpersonal situations, ask...

Oh Christ, you guys. Normally we try and play along with the pantomime, but last night was so staged we felt like we were watching a puppet show. Let’s run it down. Mike and Reichen make a trip to Ryan’s empty salon. “I’ve never been here before,” admits Mike...

Darlings, in last night’s thrilling chapter of A-Holes of New York, Douglas Sirk himself floated down from heaven and told all the queens to stop being so embarrassingly melodramatic before vanishing in a puff of glitter and a trill of harp strings, arm in arm with Lana Turner and Jane...

Oh dear, kittens. We think the producers might have taken it a bit far this time. These vapid little bitches are obviously playing to the cameras but the whole structure of these “Housewife” style shows is to take the most venal, attention-seeking people you can find, throw them...

Austin gives us a good demonstration of his reasoning capabilities by explaining why he’s taking Jake to Fire Island one more time: because he “wants to get him away from all the guys.” Well then. Fire Island’s definitely where you want to be. They grab a bite and do...

Austin is in a limo heading to JFK, desperately pretending that limos are a daily thing with him, even though he’s bouncing around like a meth head on prom night. He tells us he has a pretty big secret and shows us his cell phone to let us in on it: He takes cheesy cell phone pics with...

Time to check back in with the gaggle of vapid queens who are all going to be held responsible for every not-good thing to ever happen to a gay person, bitches! Ryan! Ryan is turning 30 and the poor dear is having a hard time of it. Because he is the creme de la creme of gay society, he will...

Darlings, if you’re gay yourself or you have a best gay friend, you’ve probably asked yourself “Why can’t I/my best gay friend ever seem to find the right guy?” Well, LOGO TV, in a gripping, raw, cinéma vérité kinda way, revealed to America the answer: Because...

A not-at-all Photoshopped picture. Darlings, in case you forgot, tonight marks the debut of the television event of the decade. We’ll let Logo take it from here: “Logo’s highly-anticipated new docu-reality series will give viewers a V.I.P. pass into the fabulous – and...