All On The Line S3E1: Unruly Heir
Darlings, it’s BACK! Yes, it’s time once again to gather ’round the television set like a family and watch all the veins in Joe Zee’s neck pop out as he screams at stupid people who don’t deserve a minute of his time! All while wearing super-cute things like monogrammed varsity jackets that make us a little jealous!
Meet Unruly Heir. One of them is Joey and one of them is Jon, but we have no idea which one is which. It took us 20 minutes to figure out they weren’t brothers. There’s douchebag frat boy, who’s living off his rich daddy’s largesse and basically using up oxygen, and then there’s serious designer dude who wears glasses most of the time.
Frat boy plays his character to the hilt while glasses frets over the fact that he doesn’t have a rich, indulgent daddy. Apparently, their line made a minor splash a while back and they’ve been coasting on their one tiny burst of good press since.
Also: they hang out at SUPER-douchey places like this.
Enter Joe Zee, who looks like he’d rather be floating in a vat of hand sanitizer at the moment. The boys show them some of their latest work:
And it’s awkward, to say the least. But it does have some cute touches; some little bits that hint at a point of view somewhat more expansive than simply “Dude.”
Ever committed to the hard work of fashion, Joe humiliates himself in public just to show the boys how assy their clothes look out in the world.
The point is largely lost on them as they wave Joe off as too old for their designs, ignoring his point that no one out in the world, young or old, is dressing this way.
Joe brings in Mario Lopez, who acts all prim and Victorian lady, like he didn’t make his career by taking his shirt off as much as possible. Joe asked the boys to make him a tux for the Emmys, and after wisely steering them away from purple, got them to offer up this midnight blue version:
Which looked, to us, like it had quite a bit in the way of fit issues.
But it did have some nice touches, like the paisley under the collar. This seems to be their thing: dude clothes with nice touches. It’s not a bad niche to be in.
Later, Joe brings in Stephanie Trong from The Cut and douchebag fratboy plays his role to the hilt, spewing douchebaggery in every direction. She storms out, fuming.
To be followed by Joe, who then storms back in and LAYS THE SMACK DOWN ON THESE DUMB WHITE BOYS. Oh, kittens. It was a glorious thing to see. We could watch Joe Zee yell at dumb people all day. Fratboy eventually apologizes and promises to eat all his vegetables from now on and to stop picking his nose in front of company.
Joe orders them both to make a mini-line for Scoop or so help him, he’ll turn this reality show right around. The boys hang their heads, kick the dirt, and say, “Aw shucks, Mr. Zee. We didn’t mean to make you cross.”
And despite the usual setbacks and potential for disaster, they actually managed to pull a decent collection together.
Like we said, the aesthetic here is “dude clothes with a little extra something.” That can get awfully close to Ed Hardy territory if they’re not careful, but we love this look, right down to the embroidered pocket. The jacket’s a little awkward but the whole look feels very right now.
Love the touches like the seersucker pocket and the paisley lining. They bump these pieces up from being more than the same-0ld. Great color palette too.
We liked the cardigan but we took the point that the Scoop buyer made when she said it looked a little on the feminine side. We think it looks fine styled as it is, but on a hanger, it’ll take the average male convincing to try it on. Love the paisley shirt. And the embroidered pocket, again.
Love the pocket and the collar detail on the shirt underneath, but we can’t really get behind the animal print fabric around the bottom.
LOVE the seersucker hoodie and the shorts. That animal print is both cute and kind of hip-looking. The t-shirt’s okay, if pretty standard.
Like the tuxedo they made for Mario Lopez, we thought the fit here was problematic and wound up coming away with the impression that suiting is not their forte. Which is fine, because we think they have a great handle on casual sportswear for men. Scoop thought so too, because they’re featuring their line.
Is there no task too great for Joe Zee, people? He can get douchey frat boys to cry, apologize, and hug him at the end. Truly a modern guru.
“All on the Line” is back on tonight at 9 eastern on the Sundance Channel, and with Fashion Week over, we’ll be back to recapping all the episodes, including the one that we shot for the upcoming season.
You heard us. And we got really bitchy!