Pretend Stylist: Spring 2012 Sandals

Posted on Nov 9, 2011 in Fashion

There’s almost no point in playing Pretend Stylist with the latest sandals, you guys. You know why? Because stylists and starlets are notoriously gun shy when it comes to shoes and subsequently, the red carpets of the world are trod upon by an endless parade of nude pumps or black peeptoes.

But you can’t play Pretend Stylist without pretending, so to hell with those red carpet wusses. We’re just going to assign shoes and those damn celebrities can just suck it up. Have fun with it, we say. For your own picks, think of using heads of state or porn stars instead of singers, actresses and models. Old monarchs of Europe! Characters from Shakespeare! You and all your friends! Famous criminals! Famous courtesans! The point is to assign a shoe to someone. Grab a pencil and paper, some twine, safety scissors, clothespins, and glitter. Preheat oven to 325.

Ready? Go!

3.1 Philip Lim, Alexander Wang, Altuzarra, Aperlaï, Balenciaga, Bottega Veneta

Selena Gomez, January Jones, J Lo, Chloe Moretz, Rihanna, Eva Mendes.

Brian Atwood, Burak Uyan, Camilla Skovgaard, Casadei, Charlotte Olympia, Chelsea Paris

Hailee Steinfeld, Reese Witherspoon, Michelle Williams, Amanda Seyfried, Kerry Washington, Marisa Tomei.

Christie Morris, Christian Dior, Christian Louboutin, Diego Dolcini (4, 5), Dries Van Noten

Elizabeth Olson, Sarah Jessica Parker, Gwyneth Paltrow, Viola Davis, Uma Thurman, Michelle Obama.

Edmundo Castillo, Emilio Pucci, Fendi (3, 4), Giambattista Valli, Gianvito Rossi

Dianna Agron, Kristen Stewart, Paz de la Huerta, Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie, Freida Pinto.

Gio Diev, Giuseppe Zanotti (2, 3), Jerome C. Rousseau, Jimmy Choo, Loeffler Randall

Fergie, Blake Lively, Anne Hathaway, Taylor Swift, Cate Blanchett, Emma Stone.

Manolo Blahnik (1, 2), Marni, Michael Kors, Missoni, Nicholas Kirkwood

Heidi Klum, Jessica Biel, Julia Roberts, Jennifer Hudson, Katy Perry, Carey Mulligan.

Oscar de la Renta, Pierre Hardy, Pollini, Prada (4,5), Rag & Bone

Maggie Gyllenhaal, Kate Winslet, Miley Cyrus, Iman, Helen Mirren, Zoe Saldana.

René Caovilla, Roberto Cavalli, Roger Vivier, Ruper Sanderson, Salvatore Ferragamo, Sergio Rossi

Christina Aguilera, Cher, Christina Hendricks, Rosie Huntington-Whitely, Olivia Wilde, Charlize Theron.

Sigerson Morrison, Tabitha Simmons, Tory Burch, Versace, Viktor & Rolf, Zoraide

Keira Knightley, Zooey Deschanel, Felicity Jones, Halle Berry, Evan Rachel Wood, Kelly Osborne.

[Photo Credit: style.com]

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http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1314255041 Irina Ryabchuk

Helen Mirren – YesPlease!!
- http://www.facebook.com/people/Margaret-Carlson-Nikoleit/100002490979930 Margaret Carlson Nikoleit
  
  Did you see The Office this week? Lots of characters called Helen hot.
Anonymous

DANGER, DANGER! Shoe overload ahead!
J Dreesen

are these….did you assign based on who you think the shoe *is*? or who would *wear* it? because i can kind of see that Evan Rachel Wood shoe giving me “the eye” that ERW gives on the red carpet. you know the one.
kim i

omg, GAWJUS.
Sobaika Mirza

COME TO MY FOOTSIES! Especially that flowered gem you have pegged for Charlize.
http://twitter.com/DarthGail Gail Kwak

#3 for Madame du Pompadour
http://twitter.com/delysia_lafosse Delysia LaFosse

Fabulous colors, but those super chunky heels will never look chic to me.
nancy

Wow, the Pradas with the flamey-looking thingies out the back? I would slice my legs to ribbons with those! Love the ones you’ve picked out for Shelley O and Freida Pinto. I am such a shoe ho…
Anonymous

Most of these heals are too high. They’re certainly too high for children.
Anonymous

I see what you did there, matching Taylor Swift’s shoes to the bag you picked for her.
Anonymous

No Tilda? Did I miss something? Paz couldn’t be more perfect.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jenna-Ryan-Boatman/583622701 Jenna Ryan Boatman

So. Much. Pretty.
Anonymous

ok TLo, i have a silly question: how did you assign the shoes? clockwise starting from the top left? or the first 3 from top to bottom? it’s very important to know… otherwise I’m having some confusing results depending on the method
(regardless, awesome idea! and wonderful shoes!)
- http://twitter.com/pointlesswords jaymeglynn
  
  they went left – right, first row, then second, then third. above the starlets names are the shoe designers, and on some of the shoes you can read the designers, so…
  - Anonymous
    
    thanks! I was just confused how they went with the pictures…. I’ll try again….
Molly OBM

Jerome C. Rousseau: Violet Beauregard, Prada: Boudicca, Feathered Fendi: Miss Piggy, Sergio Rossi: Maid Marion
- http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1540233153 Malve Lyborg
  
  Miss Piggy!! Thank you, Molly OBM, you just made my day.
  - Molly OBM
    
    They’d be wasted on Paz, she’d just make them sticky
Anonymous

Aperlaï – Bianca Jagger
Anonymous

I would love love love to see either Iman or Helen Mirren in those fabulous Prada shoes. In fact, I would love to see any celebrity dare to wear them on the RC. They are fabulous.
Anonymous

The layout for the pretend stylist posts is really not working. You go back and forth to see what is who and who is what and then you lose track. It’s annoying. Wasn’t there a crappy reality competition about people competing to work at a fashion magazine? It’s like one of those clueless people hijack this blog and decided to layout those pictures and words in this format.

Lalala.
- Maria Rosenfire
  
  Word. I think that twosomes would be much more readable (two shoes next to each other, designer and celebrity just below). It would probably be more difficult to format for you, but it would be much easier for us to read.
- https://profiles.google.com/104791269167429064986 Judy S
  
  The foursomes on the purse post worked OK for me, but the six-up did not. It does dilute the pleasure of seeing the matches. Also, sometimes I am not absolutely sure what order you are using, but then I figure it out.
- Anonymous
  
  Well, one nice thing about this feature is that you see and think about the shoes a little before you see TLo’s picks, so you can form your own thoughts about them.
  
  Only to be blown away by how much more perfect TLo’s choices are.
http://twitter.com/nicolahearts nicole seligman

loving some of these thicker heels. chic without being clunky.
Anonymous

hahahaa! If Helen Mirren wears those fire shoes, I will fall out of my chair!
http://twitter.com/baxterbartley Becky Bartley

I saw that purple fringe shoe and shouted Cher! from my cubicle… One more reason for my coworkers to think I’ve lost it.
http://twitter.com/tehnakki nakki

Hahaha, the second I saw the purple fringe my thought was “That is such a Cher shoe” =D Good to know that my sense of Cher-appropriate fashion is still dead on!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Lucía-Gavello/1253586868 Lucía Gavello

I NEED THEM ALL, even the flaming ones, the stripper ones and the just plain crazy… I wouldn’t be able to walk or even stand in most of them, yet, GIVE ME.
http://phantomminuet.blogspot.com/ MinAgain

Those Prada shoes are like a bad joke. You want to laugh, but it’s just not that funny.
Anonymous

Apparently Spring 2012 sandals are all about ankle straps. Yikes for those of us with stumpy legs!
Judy_J

I agree with all your choices, but I think Hailee Steinfeld would be better in the Christie Morris shoes. Bette Midler would rock the Brian Atwood sandals. The fur-trimmed Fendi’s are perfect for Paz.
- Anonymous
  
  They likely match the fur trimmed handcuffs she keeps in her purse!
aimee_parrott

Heh… LOVE your pick for Helen Mirren!
Anonymous

Okay, I’ll bite.

The very first one (silver open toe): Barbarella
Fuschia platform (2nd row R): Superfly
Red flame shoe: Firebird
Gio Diev red platform w/ twigs: Sleeping Beauty
Oscar de la Renta Spectator: Nancy Drew
Pollini red & straw: Eleanor Roosevelt (and me; I like it!)
Jimmy Choo animal print: Cruella DeVille
Loeffler Randal geometric: Salvador Dali

That’s all I’ve got.
Michele Forney

As soon as I saw those furry caterpillar things, I immediately thought Paz and then scrolled down a bit further and gasped with joy because that’s who you chose! I’m a very proud minion!
Anonymous

What, no Ru Paul?
Anonymous

I don’t care about those celeb bitches! With all the amazing shoe options out there, they’re always all running around in the same shoe of the moment. Oh, to have a shoe budget like theirs!

For myself: Bottega Veneta, Brian Atwood, Chelsea Paris, Dior, Dries VN, Pucci, Fendi (Aniston’s), G. Rossi, Pierre Hardy, Rene Caovilla, Ferragamo, Viktor & Rolf. Sigh. I think I just spent my yearly salary.
Anonymous

You really need to be paid for this. I could picture every. single. shoe. on the person you assigned to that shoe. TLo, you have a gift!
Anonymous

The blue fuzzies: Marge Simpson
The Nicholas Kirkwoods: Alexander Calder (Just imagine, LOL!)
The Missoni with flowers: Helen Frankenthaler
The black and lucite Versaces: Whoever is just dying to end up in the ER with a broken ankle
Anonymous

Much heavy breathing here. As much as I dislike overwrought, overdone clothing, I love imaginative shoes. These are (mostly) to-die-for. (But why Helen Mirren in the flame shoes? I see her in the Felicity Jones pair.)
Aly Light

Me, me, me, me.. me. Yeah, I think all of these should be worn by me.
- Aly Light
  
  Except for Paz’s maribou thing. She can have that one.
http://www.facebook.com/prettymuchalltheway Kat Schnepp

“pretend stylist” is one of my favorite TLo regulars
https://profiles.google.com/104791269167429064986 Judy S

To me, all these shoes are pretend, because they are clearly made for people of a certain age and build to wear for a very limited time and either in very safe places or accompanied by ginger handlers. But the fantasy is overwhelming. I kept thinking, there are MORE??? and there were, and I kept enjoying them.
MilaXX

I’m surprised to see a few pairs even us mere mortals could wear and by mere mortals I mean folks who prefer heels under 3 inches. Okay, let’s do this;
3.1 Philip Lim, Alexander Wang, Altuzarra, Aperlaï, Balenciaga, Bottega Veneta – Selena Gomes, Amber Rose, Derek J, Chloe Moretz, Taylor Swift, Eva Mendes.
Brian Atwood, Burak Uyan, Camilla Skovgaard, Casadei, Charlotte Olympia, Chelsea Paris – Beyonce, Eve, Ashanti, Ciara, Joan Rivers, Kelly Osborne, Nene LeakesChristie Morris, Christian Dior, Christian Louboutin, Diego Dolcini (4, 5), Dries Van Noten – Jennifer Aniston, RuPaul, Lea Michelle, Kelly Ripa, Elizabeth Olsen, Jenna Usherwitz (SP?),
Edmundo Castillo, Emilio Pucci, Fendi (3, 4), Giambattista Valli, Gianvito Rossi – Cristina Hendrix, Elizabeth Moss, Nicki Minaj, Jessie J, JLo, JHudGio Diev, Giuseppe Zanotti (2, 3), Jerome C. Rousseau, Jimmy Choo, Loeffler Randall – Paz De la Huerta, Reese Witherspoon, Ke$sha, Ashlee Simpson, Teresa Guidice, Melissa GorgaManolo Blahnik (1, 2), Marni, Michael Kors, Missoni, Nicholas Kirkwood – Heidi, Jessica Beil, JHud, Zoe Saldana, Katy Perry, Carey Mulligan.Oscar de la Renta, Pierre Hardy, Pollini, Prada (4,5), Rag & Bone - Cynthia Nixon, Haden Pantiterre, Cate Blanchette, Madonna, Miley Cyrus, Iman
René Caovilla, Roberto Cavalli, Roger Vivier, Ruper Sanderson, Salvatore Ferragamo, Sergio Rossi – Christina Aguilera, Cher, Rashida Jones, Rosie Huntington-Whitely, Olivia Wilde, Charlize Theron.
Sigerson Morrison, Tabitha Simmons, Tory Burch, Versace, Viktor & Rolf, Zoraide – Keira Knightley, Zooey Deschanel, Felicity Jones, Halle Berry, Evan Rachel Wood, Naya Rivera.
Anonymous

I call MINE x infinity so there
Anonymous

I assigned the ertire first set to J.Lo and then decided to forfeit this game. I do love those Louboutins with Gwynnie’s name on them, though.
http://profiles.google.com/mmara00 M M

Me – in all of them! now how fun would that be?
http://asskickingadviser.com/ Ass Kicking Adviser

Why did you give my shoes to Jessica Biel?? Why Santee Claus, why????
Anonymous

Why oh why must I suffer so?! So many fabulous offerings here! And the second Diego Dolcini pair is just dreamy.
I am loving this feature, boys! And no complaints about the layout. I do have a large monitor, though.
Maggie Trigg

omg.. the helen mirren one!! hahaha oh wow
Rebecca Johnson

I see what you did there with Helen Mirren, and I approve. Why not? She would rock ‘em!
Anonymous

My curious cat question(s) of the day. Most models are tall, so the angle from the heel to the toe even in those really high heels is something (maybe) they can get used to. But many actresses are petite and probably have small feet. (I saw Emma Watson’s costumes from Harry Potter and they were tiny!) The angle on some of these shoes in smaller sizes must be horrible (i.e. incredibly painful). No?
http://www.facebook.com/people/Mary-Elizabeth-Poytinger-Baumer/1516981341 Mary Elizabeth Poytinger Baume

I would cut a bitch to get at those prada shoes. I totally would.
Anonymous

God, some of these shoes are amazing. Actually, they are ALL amazing, but some are more pleasing to my eyes than others.

If attended red carpet events, I would probably favor simple silhouettes and wear shoes like this every single time.
Anonymous

I am salivating
http://naturallyeducational.com/ CandaceApril

Helen Mirren — just seeing if we’re paying attention?
Anonymous

I can totally see the Dries Van Noten copper ones you pegged for Shelly O on Swinton.
Anonymous

A note on art shoe maker Gaza Bowen for ilovetrash

Here is the obit for Gaza Bowen: http://articles.sfgate.com/2005-06-11/bay-area/17375852_1_mrs-bowen-santa-cruz-shoes

Sorry to use this week’s commentary for a response to a question from last week, but she was a wonderful artist whose passing will be missed.
Heather Kobayashi

I most definitely want to see Helen Mirren with flames shooting out of her foot.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_MEHVFRX46JVI4W3RWOQBIHF2OM Asian

I’ve been reading your blog for years and I just wanna say this regarding this post:
You guys have got to learn and feature different celebrities. It’s starting to become incredibly predictable which celebrities you guys will talk about.
Zoe Saldana! Christina Hendricks! Reese Witherspoon! Heidi Klum! January Jones! Iman is goddess! Jennifer Hudson!
Seriously, I’m already bored. It’s getting rather redundant as a reader to read a blog which recycles the same celebrities over and over again.
I still love you guys and your on-the-money viewpoint but I can only read about this same group of people so many times.
http://profiles.google.com/thisiscelia Celia

Wrap it up! I’ll take it all!
Anonymous

Can I be rich so I can own a pair of those flame shoes? Please? I feel like everything in life must become instantly ten times better if done while wearing those.
Anonymous

These are all cute. That said, if men had to wear any of these, then 95% of shoes would be black or nude orthopedic flats. Drag queens being the exception. We need to be able to walk, people.
Cathy S

What the heck is with those two pairs that are on fire?
Anonymous

I will challenge Emma Stone to an arm wrestling match for those L. Randall platforms. I think I could beat her…
Anonymous

Squee! Love this game!!

The red Manolol Blahnik – Cathy Cambridge
The black & white Burak Uyan – Julianne Moore (sadly paired with a strange, unflattering dress. That girls needs new gays!
Anonymous

The first group of six:

Tara Knowles, Doris Day, Jane Austen, Charo, Mary Todd Lincoln, Angie Dickinson
Anonymous

The second group of six:

Edie Sedgwick, Jean Harlow, Billie Holliday, Grace Slick, Madame Curie, June Cleaver
Anonymous

I’ll take the Elizabeth Olson and the Felicity Jones, please!
Anonymous

I’m going to fight Rihanna and Gwyneth for those sandals!
Anonymous

I would kill to see Helen Mirren in those things. We should start an online campaign to make it happen. I bet if it got big enough she’d do it.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_IHWCJIMARF4OOW6PQZQS3RFOOA JillK

::drool::
Anonymous

I assign all of them to me. ALL OF THEM. Especially the red Puccis. Your picks are dead on, I can see all of those shoes looking amazing on those people. Although I did snort at the thought of Kristen Stewart ever letting you put those on her.
http://twitter.com/CelebratetheOdd Celebrate the Odd

LOVE those flames!

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Pretend Stylist: Spring 2012 Sandals

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