PR: Everybody gets a pony!
Do we have to do this? Really? Aren’t you all shrieked out and exhausted? We certainly are. But since some of you come here to hear what we have to say, we suppose we should just get to it. The only good thing to come out of last night’s ridiculous judging was an overwhelmingly triumphant sense of vindication. We try and be open to the idea that we’re looking at things wrong, but we seriously cannot see how anyone could claim that the judges (read: producers) aren’t fixing the game to keep Anya in it. As far as we’re concerned, if you don’t see that, it’s because you don’t want to see it.
The home visits were largely uneventful (except for the notable fact that Anya mysteriously had no work to show Tim), so we’re going to skip them and get right into judging the looks. Just as an aside: We stayed at the Hudson Hotel during Fashion Week. It wasn’t just the finalists who stayed there; the entire cast of designers did. We saw them all constantly and spent many a quiet, tense elevator ride with most of them. We don’t think any of them realized who we were and we weren’t about to make our presence known. We don’t mind meeting designers after a season is over, but we didn’t feel right bothering them while there was still so much bitchery to be slung on our end. Besides, they could have gotten in trouble for talking to us.
Anyway, let’s get to it.
You know, as much as we all bitch about how Anya is over-praised, it’s good to have a reminder that Josh is also absurdly over-praised. We’ll give him credit for that jacket, which is interesting and well-made. We’ll also point out that the pink is very much on trend. But the fit on the pants is awful, the top is ridiculously tacky, the seatbelt is just plain ridiculous and the shoes were a joke.
He made a skin-tight black cocktail dress and the judges all acted like they’d never seen such an innovative thing before. Bitches, please. It’s fine; but it’s nothing to get excited about. The shoes are, once again, a joke.
This thing is a joke, full stop. An utterly ridiculous, horrifyingly ugly and unflattering piece. We don’t mind the use of plastic. You could say that such a thing indicates an adventurous or fashion -forward sensibility. But skin-tight satin pants with a gigantic bib over them? Who the hell would wear that?
Score: One look totally trashed by the judges; two looks partially trashed with one or two compliments thrown in.
To our eyes, Viktor clearly has the best collection and is the one to beat. This print looks great and we like the leather skirt, but agreed with the judges that the dress looks better without it.
Love the top; love the tuxedo jacket; don’t love the pants. It’s a great print, but it’s just not setting us on fire as a pair of pants. Masterful use of the print, however. Both legs match perfectly.
This was really cute. We don’t love mullet hems – in fact, we mostly hate them – but this had such a flowy, feminine quality, with just the right amount of urban edginess to it. That jacket, of course, is insane. In a totally good way. And we didn’t agree entirely with the judges. We thought it mostly worked with the dress. Although it worked much better with Heidi’s t-shirt and leather jeans.
Score: All three looks were highly praised, with some constructive criticism mostly having to do with styling and over-pairing. Clearly, he’s the one to beat.
We groaned when we saw Kimberly’s looks. Not because they were inherently bad, but because her urban black girl aesthetic isn’t something Nina and Heidi were going to praise. We had hopes for Michael and he didn’t let us down. We’re not crazy about this top, mainly because of the print and because it’s so shapeless in the front. It gets very sexy when she turns around, though. We liked the pants, but agreed with the judges that the tone-on-tone accessories weren’t the best way to show things off. We disagreed about the jewelry. That’s clearly coming from Kimberly’s background and we think it works.
We really liked the top. The skirt? Well, we hated that rosy pink satin and we didn’t like the weird multi-leveled hem, but we thought the big ol’ butt in the back was great. The skinny white chick and the skinny latina were completely flummoxed by it, but the Duchess, bless him, got it immediately. Michael, whatever other faults he might have as a judge, has a successful designer’s understanding of the various markets out there and the various ways those markets differ from each other. We’re not saying every African-American woman wants a big pleated backside, but he knew where Kimberly was coming from on this one.
This was just gorgeous, full-stop. We wish it had been lined, though. And we wish she hadn’t paired those blue shoes with it. But otherwise, it was chic and eye-catching.
Final score: Every look was praised on some level, and two of the looks were partially criticized. She was in danger of going home and we suspect the producers expected to send her home, but her pieces were better than Anya’s to anyone with a set of eyes, so girl got to stay in the game.
To be fair to Anya, this really was a pretty great dress. Love the print; don’t love the mullet hem. But let’s face it, in terms of design, there’s not a lot of there there, which is of a piece with all of her work in this competition.
You would think a designer with a Caribbean background and sensibility would be able to design a flattering swimsuit. This had the one-two punch effect of being both undesigned AND unflattering. There’s nothing to it. And the cover-up is hideous.
This is disgraceful. This is a look that would get a designer auf’d in the very first challenge. At the end of the season, when the level of competition is sky-high, there is no excuse for something this bad to be walking the runway. It’s appalling; it really is. We can think of no better illustration of the fucked-up judging that not only was this offered at the end of the competition, but that the designer was waved through to the finale.
She had OVER A MONTH to put this together. This isn’t something whipped up in a Parson’s workroom in 18 hours.
Score: One look praised; two looks utterly trashed. There was no reason whatsoever to keep her in the competition except that the producers clearly want the beauty queen with the sexy scandal in her past to be part of the finale. Sorry if that offends some of her fans, but it’s as obvious as the orange nose on Kors’ face. The judges should be embarrassed.
And that’s all we have to say about that. All of their final collections will get the extensive T Lo treatment later on, so we only felt the need to give brief rundowns here. Later in the coming week, we’ll be doing the “ologies” on each of them, so stay tuned for that. In the mean time, vent your rage or express your agreement like only a truly bitter kitten can.