Pairs Division: Alves and McConaughey
Ohmigod, you guys! Time-traveling Matthew McConaughey has come here from the year 2031! Do you think he’s traveled back in time in order to prevent some horrible apocalypse? Or do you think he just wanted to score some time with the 2011 model of his hot wife? Either way, the old boy has still got it:
Wait, no. That’s not right. The old boy doesn’t have it at all. In fact, what the hell happened to him? This post is from 3 months ago and he easily looks ten or 15 years younger there. Mattie must have gone on quite the bender after that last movie flopped. Matt, buddy, dude, you can’t be our age and go on benders anymore. What once took no more than an aspirin, a cold shower, and one carb-heavy diner breakfast to get over now wreaks its havoc on our faces pretty much semi-permanently. You look like a tent-revival preacher who sells pee-porn from the trunk of his car. We don’t care if the body still looks slamming under that tux and we don’t even care if the tux looks well-fitted and expensive, YOU have got to get yourself to a spa, shave off that lip caterpillar, moisturize that face, GET THAT SHIT OUT OF YOUR HAIR, and dry out that blood stream.
HE: See above. Score: 2/10.
SHE: Looks like she’s doing all the work here, poor thing. Score: 8/10.
Combined score: 5/10. Mattie? You best get to work on yourself.
[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage[