In or Out: Jennifer Lopez at American Idol Party
You know, we’re kind of insulted, Jenny. When others said you looked like a drag queen, we said “She’s a DIVA and she knows what her audience expects!” When people far bitchier than us said you were desperately trying to hold on to both your youth and your status as a superstar long after both had left you, we cried “But she looks like a disco ball with tits! YOU try that at 62!” In short, we felt your fabulosity and divatude were completely understandable in a world where both Madonna and Cher can’t move any of their facial muscles. HERE was the real deal, bitches. She is beyond your petty critiques.
But now, girl. Now we don’t know. We thought the Idol gig was a good fit for you at this stage in your career, and it seems we were right about that. On the other hand, you’re doing that thing now whenever a fading celeb gets a little more spotlight: you’re grabbing that fucker and running with it. It’s not just that you’ve accepted endorsement deals that have you dancing across our TVs hawking everything under the sun but feminine products (and let’s face it, it’s only a matter of time before you’re whipping your hair and popping your hips to a jingle about tampons). Even worse, your formerly admirable (or at least, entertaining in a drag kinda way) fashion choices have morphed into a different sort of attention-getting look. You’ve gone from “I am your flawless, sparkly diva,” to “I’M STILL HIP AND RELEVANT.” Honey, no. With the belly and the 1986 mom shorts and the “walk of shame” white pumps, and the jacket that looks like it belongs on a very tiny Catholic schoolgirl with freakishly broad shoulders? This is not the way. You should be going full-on diva at all times and deploying sequined turbans and maribou feathers 24/7. You should not be doing this, dear. This is for the Leightons and the Blakes of the world; clumsy, trend-focused outfits that make them look a little dim and desperate. You are J Lo. You are better than this. But still, you are OUT.
On the other hand…
We really liked your bag.
But you’re still OUT.
[Photo Credit: wireimage]