Vanity Fair Oscar Party – Part 2
We like the dress, which is appropriately dramatic, but the Ruth Buzzi hair has got to go.
He looks adorable but his pants are too long.
RuPaul would say she’s bringing realness. We think she looks like a gay pride parade float short of a few rainbow colors.
Ew, no. We don’t mind a retro silhouette, but this is too ridiculously literal. The good news is, she can hide a couple extra dresses in her skirt, should this on prove to be unworkable.
Cute, but wrinkled. We like the hair.
We don’t know about this one. It’s got that breezy CK chicness and minimalism, but it’s so boxy and long that it looks like a low-cut coat. And the shoes are pure Boca Raton.
Good lord, someone needs to teach this over-earnest dork how to pose. He looks like he’s asking for donations. The suit looks a little cheap to us.
He looks like a puffy douche and the lifts in his cheap shoes complete the picture.
If you think we’re going to criticize Mick Jagger, you’ve got another thing coming, missy. The man is a LEGEND and we will hear not one word about how he looks like a giant shriveled satin penis.
We love this color on her and we love the shoes picking up the color in the dress (if not the matchy clutch), but it’s too shiny and too tight on her.
Beautiful. Hate the hair.
We don’t get it. This doesn’t look anything like a Donna Karan dress, but apparently it was custom designed for her. No wonder she looks pissed off. This may be the least flattering thing she’s ever worn.
Jesus, this girl needs an intervention. Let’s all take up a collection for her. She looks like a lampshade in an Italian brothel.
Granted, she’s one color from tip to toe (not counting the roots), but we still like the look on her. It’s a fabulous dress.
JESUS. These stylists can run any trend straight into the ground. LACE! One simply MUST wear lace this season, darling! Even if one comes out looking like a total whore, one will be totally on trend! And ENOUGH with the peep toes, stylists! Have a freaking original thought every now and then!
It’s a little too neutral, but there are a lot of really lovely details on this dress when you look closely at it. Beautiful lines. Love the multiple straps.
She’s fucking Alexis, people. Bow the hell down. Yes, she looks like the basket on the front of an 8-year-old girl’s bicycle, but she’s like Mick Jagger; she’s beyond critique. And thankfully, she doesn’t look like a satin penis.
Well, it’s certainly better than that truly frightening getup she wore the other day, but it’s still a bit too hard and Amazonian a look, we’re thinking. Honey, zhuzh out your hair and pick something less armored-looking for your feet and then we’ll talk.
We don’t get this dress at all. Whatever waist she has is completely gone. How can you not see that in the mirror?
PEEPTOES. NUDE PEEPTOES. TAKE US NOW, LORD.
Oh honey, no. You are the very woman who inspired the use of “kittens” and “poodles” as a form of address on this blog, so it pains us to say this: you look matronly, dear. Love the earrings, though.
It’s neither better nor worse than her show getup. It simply is. Besides, we’re terrified of her.
It’s too twee and PEEP TOES, but of all the black lace dresses, this is the least slutty, so points for that. Also, makeup would have been nice.
Enh. Looks a little dated, to be honest. If it had a ruffle running down only one side of the dress instead of both sides, it might work.
We hate to sound like prudes, but this is vulgar. We know you love your va-va-voom body, honey (and rightly so), but this actually takes away from your natural curves. We’re so tired of dresses that look like underwear. You really want to do something shocking, fashion industry? Make underwear that looks like Oscar gowns.
We used to think he was so hot, but as he gets older, he gets more and more plastic and less and less human. Everything has to be so perfect and just-so that we can’t even imagine a friendly pat on the back with him, let alone sex. Having said that, we’re going to be incredibly nit-picky: we adore the velvet jacket, but the pants needed to be a darker shade of black to go with it.
[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage, elle.com, style.com]