Wardrobe Tips from Katie Price

Posted on Aug 21, 2010 in Fashion

An easy-to-follow guide that will get you laid, a husband, or arrested.

Ladies, are you nonplussed because you don’t know what to wear tonight? Are you tired of using your brain or personality to get what you want out of life? Well, don’t you worry. Utterly pointless celeBrit Katie Price is here to show you the way. What would we do if we didn’t have celebrities?

Now, Katie doesn’t believe in hiding her light under a bushel and neither should you. Her bushel is fully lit because Katie understands what you don’t: the very best things happen to those who have absolutely no use for dignity.

First, consider where you will be going tonight. Will men be there? Will photographers? If the answer is yes to both questions (and it should be), go for something eye-catching, like say a head-to-toe metallic. As the cameras flash, the blinding effect of the light against your outfit will ensure that you will be the center of attention at all times. Be responsible and don’t go anywhere with a dance floor lest your clothes cause seizures all around you. No one wants that.

Also, because you never know when you might meet, say a Saudi prince or a social media mogul, you should go tight. As tight as possible. So tight your heart rate slows down. In order to facilitate breathing, uncover as much of your boobs as legally possible.

Show your flirty, feminine side with some fringe. Put it somewhere near a primary or secondary sexual characteristic to ensure that everyone who looks at you can’t help but picture you having sex. Counter this slightly slutty effect by plastering some pink hearts somewhere to show that you’re just a girl who wants love, like any other girl. Except the plain ones.

And finally, to command respect from your future husband, consider some sort of crown or tiara to show that you are a princess and deserve to be treated like one. It doesn’t matter what it’s made out of. No one’s going to be looking at it.

And there you have it! Katie wishes you luck and expects to be invited to your future wedding. Especially if you’re marrying, say, a Saudi prince or a social media mogul. Have fun!

[Photo Credit: gettyimages.com]

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