The Rachel Zoe Project: It’s a Fashion Disaster!
Rachel is packing for her trip to New York for fashion week, which is an undertaking akin to planning a war. “It’s too cold for Boho Rachel,” she says. We like that she refers to herself as if she’s a fashion doll. “I feel like Motorcycle Rachel today!” “You guys, should I go to the Versace party as Nurse Rachel or Astronaut Rachel?”
Apparently she chose “Russian Princess Rachel” because the next thing you know, she’s getting out of a cab dressed like a Dr. Zhivago extra. She’s on her way to visit Gwen Stefani, who is, we’re told, “like, the coolest chick ever.” The next five minutes is basically an infomercial for Gwen’s line of clothes, but frankly we were too enthralled by her scary Maleficent eyebrows. This pointless gushing continues for a while until Rachel takes her leave. “Gwen’s like, a serious designer,” she tells us.
Suddenly, a Blackberry rings! “Hey Naomi, what’s happening?” In a totally NOT staged, moment, supermodel Naomi Campbell calls just as the cameras are rolling and asks Rachel to style a fashion benefit for Haiti, which is being held in 3 days. This is EXACTLY like how big fashion shows are planned. Basically you just call up a couple of friends at the last minute and promise them pizza and beers if they help out. “Saying no to Haiti is not an option,” Rachel tells the camera. “The people of Haiti need this more than I need sleep.” She smooths out her hair.
Brad hops in the RachelPlane and hightails it out to New York. He arrives 15 minutes before he left. Rachel is annoyed that he is late. She immediately orders him to produce 93 dresses with accompanying shoes and accessories within the next half hour. Brad has never produced a fashion show before, so he’s somewhat naive about the need for breaking all the rules of time and space in order to get it done.
Designers aren’t donating dresses to Brad because it’s Fashion Week and who is this intern calling me when I have a show to produce? Rachel blames Brad. Brad blames everyone else. We’re left wondering why no one has called Gwen Stefani. Brad reminds us that if Rachel doesn’t make this show work, it will be “fashion suicide” for her. Both Rachel and Brad have a tendency to put “fashion” in front of other unpleasant words quite frequently. “I have a fashion hangover.” “It’s a fashion car accident!” “I have fashion diarrhea.” Watch for it.
Anyway, Rachel reminds us all that Brad has never worked on a show before, which is why she put him in charge of everything. “It’s an unkind industry,” says Brad dejectedly when he gets shut out of a meeting for not magically producing an entire line in less than an hour. He consoles himself with his pink Donna Karan man-panties.
Naomi shows up and Brad is gay-shaking with fear and awe. Unfortunately, the moment doesn’t last. Naomi is shocked to find out that they have failed to get shoes for her fashion show, which we understand is kind of a problem. Strangely, she seems unconcerned about the lack of dresses. Perhaps she figures if she’s wearing only shoes, she’s doing her job. She whips out her phone, beats them both viciously with it, runs away before the cops can come, and jumps into a cab. After the driver fails to understand her needs on a telepathic level, she beats him too and then runs off again makes a phone call, and suddenly they have shoes for the show. A light goes on over Rachel’s head and she has the radical idea that if she called the designers herself, maybe they would donate some looks for the show.
Meanwhile in Los Angeles, Ashley and Jordan (which sound like doll names) are crushing on each other and picking out dresses for Demi Moore. They giggle a lot and fondle the clothes and coo “soo pretty.” Later, they change into lingerie and brush each other’s hair before having a pillowfight.
Back in NY, during fittings, Rachel and Brad meet a Haitian! They gather around this exotic creature and ask him for tales of his land. He talks of the hardships in Haiti and suddenly, it’s a Very Special Episode of Blossom. Lessons are learned. Rachel confesses that she has a secret obsession with Haitians because they’re all, like, the nicest people ever. They reflect for a nanosecond about these magical people and their fucked up land. “These are all Jean-Paul,” says Rachel.
At this point, it should be crystal clear that the show is going to go off without a hitch. Truth be told, it was crystal clear about 15 seconds after Rachel got the “first” phone call about it. It’s an entire hour of obvious reality show staging and to be honest, we don’t mind. We loved watching the behind the scenes stuff even if most of it was pure fiction. “I love you,” says Rachel to Brad when it all ends well. “I love you too,” says Brad to Rachel. Hugs. See? It’s not such an unkind industry after all!
[Photo/Video Credit: Bravotv.com]