Work of Art: Season 1 Episode 8
Still, his work is interesting enough:
Let’s rant for a moment, shall we?
Really, fuckers? Really? You know, if you agree to be a judge on a reality show, you figure out pretty quickly (if you’re not told outright) that you’re playing a fictional character who makes semi-fictional decisions. And hey, we’re fine with that. Some of our favorite TV viewing moments came from watching fictional characters make semi-fictional decisions. Hell, we started a blog about it. But here’s the thing, reality show judges: there’s a point of what-the-fuckery at which you’re in danger of ruining your own reputation in your chosen field.
Those frigging judges have been creaming themselves all over these two all season and it finally reached embarrassing levels. Jackie rips her clothes off while demurely telling the camera what a private person she is (HA!) and Miles coldly manipulates everyone around him and produces yet another Bob the Builder lumber piece. Winners!
Jerry Saltz, we are calling you out, Princess. You’re every bad cliche everyone secretly believes about the art world wrapped up in one person: fawning, pretentious, and tragically born without a bullshit detector. Sure the other judges over-praise OCDouche, but you’ve been practically swooning over his act.
But soft! Jerry had an epiphany watching this episode:
“For weeks, viewers have complained that Miles is “playing the judges.” I never noticed this in person — until this week. Just after guest judge Ryan McGinley McGinness was introduced, Miles lurched forward and cooed, “I adore your black-light installations, man.” I immediately realized that if he was ingratiating himself to McGinley, he was probably doing this with us all along. Look very closely at this scene and you’ll see me grimacing and turning away in total disgust.”
Total disgust! So disgusted, he declared him the winner!
Seriously, Jerry? It took you until now to realize the blinking bullshit factory was perhaps not the most sincere person in the world? What impressive people skills.
To be honest, we don’t mind that Miles is playing the game. He’s far from the first. What’s irritating is just how much the judges continue to fall for it. Practically every other artist there has come right out and said that he’s putting on an act, but the judges clap for every concrete asshole and attention-grabbing moment. As we said, they’re the ones that look bad, not Miles. Miles is doing exactly what he planned to and getting exactly the reactions he wanted. At this point, we almost hope he wins it and then admits that he played the judges like fiddles by deliberately producing crap he knew they’d applaud.
Although we have to admit, the eye-brow wiggling at the camera as he gleefully discussed his master plan to get Jaclyn to take her clothes off was pretty fucking disconcerting.
As for Jaclyn, we’re sorry, we’re just gonna say it: she’s a mess. That’s not exactly a detriment to an artist, but last night proved all over again that she has little to say in her work and constantly looks for someone to tell her what to do. So how much do you want to bet the final decision will come down to these two, the blinking bullshit artist and the artist who has nothing to say beyond “Look at my tits!” or “I get uncomfortable when you look at my tits!”
Mark (Eliminated) and Peregrin:
In fact, the only way this could have been more literal is if Mark had Jesus flying around his head and Peregrine had found some way to work Hitler into hers.
Question, judges: How is it that you eliminate Mark, citing criteria that clearly also apply to Peregrine’s piece? Not that we disagree with Mark’s elimination, but how can you let Peregrine’s wall of glitter crap slide by? Mark’s was too literal? AND PEREGRINE’S WASN’T? At the very least, Mark’s use of his scar should have given him an edge over her piece, which looks like the cover to a hyperactive 14-year-old goth chick’s diary.
But you know what? Whatever. How upset can we get? It’s a game show. It’s like getting emotionally involved with The Price is Right, and that’s the milieu of crazy people who never get out of the house and yell at wind.
We feel for Mark, because we thought every single thing that came out of the judges mouths was a torrent of bullshit, but it’s not like we can defend his work. It never really spoke to us and this last piece was the worst yet. And besides,
Abdi and Nicole:
We were going to analyze them but like all the work this week, it’s too weak to sustain any analysis. Abdi’s was terribly literal (Socrates’ cave, Abdi?) and he’s fallen back on that neon pop art pallete one time too many. He’s hanging by a thread. What’s weird is, he comes across as such a creative, energetic guy, we would have thought the concept of chaos would be a piece of cake for him. As for Nicole’s, it’s another 3-dimensional piece that draws you in and asks for interaction, but the technical skill wasn’t there. And tonally it just seems off. Shouldn’t there be more rigid tension displayed?
[Screencaps: tomandlorenzo.com - Photo Credit: BravoTV.com]