Shear Genius S3E2

Posted on Feb 15, 2010 in Fashion

More catching up to do!

“HaLLo, sTYLists, ToODAyy, I eM tReSSed lIke A hOOOOker tOO InsPIYER yOO!”

Fashion Week is kicking our asses, bitter kittens, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make time to rip some hair. In fact, darlings, one should always take time every day, no matter how busy one might be, to do two things: a good 15-minute skin regimen, and judging others’ hair and clothing.

But first,

Oh, Giacomo-feeno-ahnahnay, how could you leave us so soon? We had such high hopes for your entertainment value. You could have had blog immortality. Instead, you flaked out like…well, like the flake you are.

Anyway, the rest of the attention whores stayed behind for a food-based challenge. Bravo missed out on a little Top Chef cross promotion there. They could have had a followup challenge where the chefs had to make a dish out of hair.

Anyway, Congrats, Sling Blade.

Like we said, it was a pretty silly challenge. We have no real opinion on who shouldabin winner or loser. This ‘do was based on a dish of seared scallops.

*shrug*

Okay. If you say so. It’s pretty enough.

And it’s sayonara, Arzo, whose name sounded a bit like a petroleum company to us.

Tuna Tataki. It’s about as much “Tuna Tataki” as Sling Blade’s was “Seared Scallops,” but honestly, we can’t get worked up over the decision. Not because we were bored or anything, but the judging criteria for this kind of thing is even more arbitrary than it normally is, so if the judges hated this look, so be it. They’re the experts. Jonathan said it looked old lady. Certainly, there’s nothing fabulous about it, and as Kim pointed out, she failed to color the underside of her hair, which sounds like a pretty egregious mistake. Seems like good enough reason to send Arzo home.

Besides, she hasn’t entertained us. Off with her head.

All right bitches, we’ve got a lot more hair to rip, so let’s just whip this out. Ready? SCROLL!

Adee
Steak Tartar

She looks traumatized. It looks like he took a hand mixer to her head and besides, no one wants hair the color of raw meat.

Amy
Dakota Burger

Hello, Tits! Looks more Statue of Liberty than hamburger. Kim said he was hoping she’d gone with Princess Leia buns. What Kim failed to mention is the 100% likelihood that he would have criticized her for going the cliche route if she’d done that.

April
Heirloom Tomato Salad
This wigstand went straight home that night and fired her agent. Then she set his house on fire.

Brian
Chocolate Mousse

Y’know, the judges were all moist for this one and we can’t say we agree. Kim thought it looked “creamy” and Camila kept saying it looked “yommy,” but all we could think was “You’re gonna criticize Exxon’s hair for being too ‘old lady’ and you’re all creaming over Martha Washington here?”

Brig
Tiramisu
She’s a big fucking whackadoo and she made a big fucking whackadoo hairstyle. Alert the media.

Faatemah
Orange Flan Trio

This wigstand clearly had to be drugged to have her photo taken. No sober person would smile like that when her hair looked like that.

Oh, and we love a good trash-talking reality show bitch, but only when they’ve got the goods to back it up. Faatemah’s been putting down pretty much everyone while turning out some fairly mediocre looks.

Janine
Beet Salad

It’s got a little bit of “Toni Basil circa 1986″ vibe to it that we can’t help but love a little. Doesn’t do a thing to make us think of beet salad, though.

Matthew
Yellowtail Namachi

Now see, THAT’s the correct facial expression to have when you’re forced to model a fucked-up hairstyle that makes you look like a cross between Marie Antoinette and a blowfish. Obviously, this wigstand is a professional and didn’t require narcotics to do the job she was hired to do.

She also burned down her agent’s house that night. In fact, she met up with the other wigstand because they have the same agent.

[Photos: BravoTV.com]