Now I’ll totally have a shot with Angela!
“StEYELists, lEt me inradooce Kayn PAYveSS wHO will TAYke OWverr spEEkING for Mee fRUm naOW on.”
We’ll do the elimination challenge results later, Bitter Kittens. For now…
Let’s talk shortcut challenge. And what was the shortcut challenge this episode?
Olivia Newton John got saddled with some asshole.
Ego, or whatever the fuck his name is, panicked when he realized he wasn’t getting enough camera time and puked his way out of the competition. A novel approach, until you realize that no one reacted any differently to his puking than they do when he’s just standing there and shooting his mouth off.
And Faatemah had no time for white boys and their stupid hair.
Let’s judge the results!
Okay, so it’s totally Garfunkel, but there’s only so many good directions he could have gone in from that starting point. You can’t deny he looks like a thousand percent better. A well-deserved win.
He took a total cholo cut and made him look like something on the side of Marcia Brady’s lunchbox. Kudos, Burning Man.
Tweety Bird took a guy who’d aged out of his haircut and solved the problem…
By giving him a much younger haircut, thereby making him look pathetic and a little pervy.
Tap Pants took a cute guy with a Rick Springfield fixation and some hilariously bad highlights…
And turned him into a fucking robot. Seriously, he looks like he should be chasing Harrison Ford in Bladerunner.
Faatemah took the Mormon-looking surfer type…
And turned him into the lead singer of The Commitments, circa 1994. Seriously, girl. A clip-on ponytail? Why not finish off the look with a bolo tie?
How come nobody tried to do dreads?
April took the guy with arguably the best head of hair…
And made him look like he tried to save a little money by taking a DIY approach to electrical work around the home.
Sling Blade took a boy band member…
And magically turned him into another, totally different boy band member.
Amy took a middle-aged douchebag…
And turned him into a middle-aged douchebag with a mullet.
Rebuttal: You’re a middle-aged douchebag. And you just used “bro” un-ironically in a sentence.
The prosecution rests.
Labels: Shear Genius, Shear Genius Season 3
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