American Ballet Theatre Gala

Darlings, let’s pretend we were invited to the American Ballet Theatre’s 69th annual Spring Gala at The Metropolitan Opera House in New York City, NY. And let’s pretend we spent the whole evening judging the other party-goers’ outfits.

Iman

Oscar de la Renta Resort 2009
Model: Jourdan Dunn

It’s a gorgeous dress in a gorgeous color. No issues here. Party on, Iman.

Ivanka Trump

Carolina Herrera Fall 2009 Collection
Model: Heidi Mount

It’s also a gorgeous dress in a gorgeous color. You’re looking a little hippy there, Ivanka. Plus the necklace is all wrong. Please leave and come back looking more suitable.

Kim Raver

Carolina Herrera Fall 2009 Collection
Model: Sigrid Agren

Another gorgeous dress in a gorgeous color. We’re three for three. Unfortunately Kim, you had the dress altered to add a sleeve where there wasn’t one before. Ooooh, bad idea. While we applaud your decision not to bare your bra at us, we can’t support the addition of the sleeve. Please hide in shame from the photographers.

Lindsay Price

Carolina Herrera Spring 2009 Collection
Model: Toni Gam

Dear Lindsay, you took a fabulously disheveled-looking design and had it altered to look like a cheap set of curtains from K-Mart. We’re afraid we’re going to have to call security and have you escorted out.

Lynda Carter

Carolina Herrera Spring 2009 Collection
Model: Ksenia Kahnovich


Bow down, motherfuckers! Wonder Woman is in the house and she’s looking FIERCE.

Rene Zellwegger in Carolina Herrera

Yes, Renee, the dress is pretty fabulous. Unfortunately, you decided to save some money and not get your hair styled. Please stop posing as if you’re shit doesn’t stink. Because y’know? It does. It really does.