Total Tulle

Posted on Oct 3, 2008 in Fashion

Alright, kittens.

Let’s get to it .

Look, once again we need to remind everyone that we’ve hardly been in the tank for Mean Girl. Why do we feel the need to remind everyone of that? Because we think she’s not nearly as bad as people seem to think.

The worst we could ever say about Kenley is that she has an obnoxious, immature, mean girl streak to her and she doesn’t take criticism well at all. Annoying, sure. Villain status? Not when we put her up against the great schemers and trash talkers of previous seasons. She’s just a moderately talented girl with an annoying personality who thinks a little higher of herself than is probably warranted.

We would NEVER want to be stuck in a room with her for 12 hours a day and we don’t blame her fellow designers for being sick of her, but we also think they all got a little too “kewl kidz” in response and in the end didn’t exactly cover themselves in glory on the maturity front.

We admit it, alright? We felt a tiny little bit bad that she made it to the end and there was no one willing to congratulate her. We know, we know. You reap what you sow. We get it. We just think maybe the response to her has been a little out of hand relative to her “crimes.”

And speaking of crimes…

Like her, the dress is a silly thing. An attempt to be sophisticated and innovative with results that are more laughable than anything else. A cartoon dress.

There’s nothing really wrong with the silhouette or the construction. It’s all perfectly bland.

The two main problems are that she once again chose a fabric that was questionable at best and then she tried to do something exuberant and a little over the top on the hem and failed miserably.

Those “petals” (and we don’t believe her when she says they were supposed to look like scales) are too big, too heavy and too literal. And they’re not made all that well, to boot.

In fact, they’re very poorly made. And did we mention heavy? That dress was weighing that poor girl down like it was soaking wet.

So we got another throwdown with the judges…

“The petals; I have to say that it doesn’t look very elegant either.”

“What the hell? Like I’m so sure that I wasn’t going for elegant. Please, Heidi!”

“What the fu–”

“Nina, you handle this one. I’m about ready to beat some ass here.”

“Kenley, you’re obnoxious and nobody likes you.

Oh, and your dress makes us all laugh when you’re not in the room.”

“What? Pssh. As if.”

“Look! Look at her! Look at what she’s doing, with the rolled eyes and everything! Why are we talking to her?”

“Whatevs, Heidi.”

“You know we can see you, right? Us, the JUDGES. The ones that DECIDE IF YOU GET THE BIG MONEY.

What is WRONG with you?”

*big fat Disney tears*

“I have no time for this horseshit.”

“Let’s be honest, you wouldn’t be standing here if we didn’t like what you do.”

“Oducer-pray anipulation-may…”

But, as is so often the case with this show, it amounted to nothing, really:

“So, what do we think about Kenley?”

“…”

“She’s a lazy cow but I’m interested to see what she’ll do.”

“No. You know what? I’m sick of this shit. You do this every year and put up some amateur and then I have to sit in the tent with a frozen smile on my face as 2000 cameras are pointed on me and I have to swallow my vomit a little and pretend like I’m not appalled at how my career turned out. I’m NOT doing it this time, you hear?”