What the Fu–?!
How can you eliminate someone with that hair, judges? That is some Straight Outta Newark right there. He looks like one of the Gotti boys.
Well, it happened, kittens. As they do at least once every season, the judges did something so stupid, so completely inexplicable, so frustrating, that wine glasses shattered, decorative throw pillows were rended and mud masks cracked in shock and anger. Every Thursday morning, we almost always wake up within minutes of each other and have a quick discussion of our blog game plan for the day as our coffee spits and bubbles and dribbles into the pot at a devastatingly slow pace. This morning, we both woke up cranky and pissed off.
Look, let’s get this out of the way right now: it’s, at best, only a so-so dress. It’s not like we think he should have won or even been top 3. It’s just that almost everything about the judging last night was completely fucked up.
There was a dress that walked down the runway last night and everyone in the PRGay Home Theatre gasped and said “That’s it. That’s adorable. That’s the winner.” AND THAT DRESS WASN’T EVEN MENTIONED.
Ugh. We’ll get to that later.
Yeah, it was basic. It was pretty much the “Marilyn on a subway grate” dress done in red. No great shakes, but nothing to get auf’d over either.
The fit’s a little wonky too.
She’s a pretty girl and it looks like she’s got herself a healthy pair of girlpillows, but that bust makes her look like she’s been breastfeeding for the last ten years. Correct us if we’re wrong, but teenage girls have the major perkiness going on, right? I mean, it takes some work to make a 17-year-old look droopy.
We do like the detail on the waist, though.
And Kevin, you little breederboy you, as you go on with your career and mount future runway shows, make sure there are plenty of homos on staff to keep you away from the styling decisions. That hair is AWFUL.
The skirt and the length are young and flirty and appropriate. It could be argued that it doesn’t look formal enough, but prom styles come and go and sometimes the floor-length gowns are in style and sometimes the cocktail dresses are in style. There certainly wasn’t anything inappropriate about this style.
And we don’t know what the hell was up Nina’s ass about the color. It’s a basic party red. What’s all this “It looks cheap” stuff? THIS looks cheap but the Bedazzler dress won?
The real crime was the raw hem and we kept groaning as Kevin dug in his heels and insisted on it.
It just made no sense to us whatsoever. We don’t know what he was thinking. Anyone who’s ever watched the show can tell you that the judges – Nina especially – HATE that sort of thing. And it was just such a bizarre choice to make for a prom dress.
Still, it didn’t look THAT bad and it CERTAINLY wasn’t worth the aufing, especially since there were far worthier candidates last night.
Honestly, we can’t recall a contestant that got so consistently screwed over by the judges as Kevin did this season. He has done nothing but commendable work all season long and they treated him like he wasn’t even there. Judges, you totally sucked last night.