SissyBear is BACK!
“Designers, we’ll all remember Chris fondly now that he’s dead.”
“But unfortunately, Designers, he just couldn’t make it work and so we’ve taken him out back and put him down.”
“There, there. We’ll all miss him. But that’s fashion. One day you’re in, and the next day they take you out, bust a cap in your ass and throw you in a dumpster behind Parson’s.”
“HAHA! I’m just fucking with you! He’s alive and we’re bringing him back!”
“Hurray! This will truly be the greatest Chanukah ever!”
“Look at my tits!”
“I’ll look at them! I’m straight!”
“God bless us. EVERY ONE!”
“Jesus, these bitches are emotional.”
Awwww. It was sweet how they brought our Sissybear back. Even sweeter was everyone’s reaction to it. Finally, this group is showing a little personality. It’s nice to know that they all have hearts beating under their cold professional exteriors.
Sure, we can debate whether it’s exactly fair. After all, auf is auf. But one thing we always bear in mind to prevent tearing our hair out is THIS IS A REALITY SHOW. They can do whatever the hell they want to make it more entertaining. And is there anyone who would argue with the fact that seeing him come back and seeing the designers cheer his return was definitely a highlight of the season so far? Anyone besides Jack, that is?
Unfortunately, our glee quickly turned to nail-biting when we saw the direction in which he was going. As soon as he uttered the words “sailor suit” we both groaned.
All the jokes have been made already: French hooker, Carmen Jones, American in Paris, you name it, someone’s already said it. To us, she looked like a cartoon character.
First, there didn’t seem to be one aspect of this thing that seemed proportionate to us. Those straps look too wide, the skirt’s too high and what is with the seashell tits?
Second, while we’re sure she’s A LOVELY LADY WHO HAS WORKED VERY HARD TO LOSE A LOT OF WEIGHT AND WE SHOULD ALL RESPECT THAT FOREVER AND EVER, putting a bigass bow right on her hip doesn’t have the most slimming effect in the world, now does it?
Third, the length of that skirt isn’t helping either. After watching hundreds of hours of Stacy and Clinton pointing out that that length usually hits a woman at the widest part of her leg and makes them look stumpy and wide, it was something we noticed almost immediately.
Let’s not even talk about that sassy little red kick pleat. Oh, what the hell. Let’s. It’s just so (all together now) costume-y. Real women don’t dress like this.
We think Chris is outrageously talented and we’re hoping he learns to assess his work and edit himself before he gets auf’d again, but the fact is, all of his work so far looks like it would be more at home on a stage or in a drag show.
BONUS: Tim Gunn, hardcore slut:
“I’ve made more bad decisions at 3 o’clock in the morning than I can list.”
Oh honey. We can definitely RELATE.
[Photo: Barbara Nitke/Bravotv.com - Screencaps: Project RunGay]