We’ll be taking to our fainting couches for the rest of the day.
Brevity is the soul of wit, so here’s us being witty:
This fucking blows.
Oh, Tabs. How could this have happened? Evangelin was supposed to have the dramatic meltdown, not you! Never you!!
Kittens, we are bereft. How could our fabulous Witchy-Poo be gone?
And if you think we’re happy to see Weasel Boy go as well, you couldn’t be more wrong, bitches. He may have been our Dark Mistress’s nemesis, but he was talented and entertaining in his own right. The game’s just as poor with his loss as with hers.
On the one hand, we sit in awe of the producers’ willingness to let the real personalities get cut from the game, regardless of their potential popularity or ability to provide drama.
On the other hand, cutting these two last night really put a serious dent in the remaining talent pool. The show suddenly got a lot less interesting. Not just for the lack of interpersonal drama, but also because their collective work has been interesting and exemplary.
Which isn’t meant to be a slam against Daisy and Anthony. They deserved their win last night and we like both of them as contestants. They’ve earned their place, Daisy especially.
Anthony’s shown a competence and amiability, as well as the ability to look good in really tight shirts, that makes him the natural good guy to root for, even if he hasn’t wowed us all that much.
Daisy on the other hand, keeps wowing us over and over again. That do she came up with last night was gorgeous. In fact, all three of them looked great.
It seemed pretty obvious that Daisy took the lead last night, but Anthony is to be commended for realizing things would go better if he was a good team player.
Which leads us back to…
Well, now we know. Witches and leprechauns simply do not get along.
As much as it pains us to say this, it was Tabs’ fault.
Look, we find Tyson irritating for much the same reasons she did, and we have no doubt that she had to bear the brunt of the work load and that his contributions took up time because she had to go back and fix them. Fine. Even he didn’t seem to argue that point.
That doesn’t explain why the bride looked like Barbra Streisand in Funny Girl, though.
And if he was, by both their admissions, the weaker member of the team when it came to this particular challenge, then she should have bit down on her bile and plowed through it. Instead, she let it consume her.
She was too obsessed with him, not paying attention to her own work, and openly bitching about him in front of the clients. It was a delicious trainwreck to watch, but our pleasure quickly dissipated when we started to realize it was going to be her downfall.
We actually watched her meltdown through our fingers, like a horror film, whispering “Shut up! Shut up! They’re gonna kick you off! OhmiGOD, Tabatha SHUT UP!”
Certainly, the argument could be made that Boogie and Ben did just as bad a job, if not worse, and Boogie wasn’t exactly a mature and diplomatic team member either, but we’ll get to that later. What got them cut was Tabatha’s verbal diarrhea when confronted with the judges. She was so worked up about what she perceived as a terrible entry and so consumed with her personal animosity toward Figjam, that she just couldn’t help herself. We prayed that the judges would overlook it, but honestly, we can’t exactly blame them for their choice. Well, Tom can’t. Lorenzo’s still breaking dishes.
Now, we must spend the day unshowered and unshaven, eating junk food, getting drunk and occasionally, softly crying. We’ll have more to say later when we pick up the shattered pieces of our dreams. We will soldier on through our tears, poodles. For you, if nothing else.