Shear Genius Smorgasbord!

Posted on May 15, 2007 in Fashion

Let’s rip these bitches!

Oh, Tyson. You’re so “street.”

If there’s one thing every guy with a septum ring wants, it’s Liza Minnelli’s hair. Look at him. You know he wants to cry.

And kudos to the totally heterosexual Dr. Boogie, who managed to take his client from “dude who works in the used record store” to “gay porn star.” It takes real talent to make a garage band bass player look like the star of Puerto Rican Butts II.

Bitches in the kitchen, y’all! DELICIOUS. Check out that table. DRUNK bitches in the kitchen. The producers must’ve been peeing themselves with delight.

Have we mentioned our love for Tabs? Sure, she underestimated Figjam the weasel boy, but there’s something about her raw competitiveness and naked disdain for reality show bullshit that makes for FANTASTIC television.

She likes to pretend that she’s above it all, but when crunch time comes, she’s rolling around in the mud and loving every second of it.

Somehow, we need to figure out a way to work this sentence into our conversations more. Turn it into a generic insult. “Oh Mary, you’re really struggling with your up-do today, aren’t you?”

Try it!

As for Figjam…

Puh-leeze, Mary.

Look, all reality show contestants play to the cameras to varying degrees. It would be boring if they didn’t. On the other hand, there’s a cutoff point. If you go to far, you wind up looking ridiculous.

You’re not going into battle to fight the Persians, weasel boy. Tone it down a little. Besides, all this bowing and meditating might have been impressive if there wasn’t an entire crew in there shooting the whole thing.

God, our lower backs ache just looking at those cheap-ass beds.

And speaking of cheap-ass…

Sweet Jesus, where did they get those ugly costumes from?

With each passing week, this show becomes less about the stylists and more about torturing the poor wig stands. Oh honeys, we hope you put bandaids on your nipples and a couple of pairs of industrial strength granny panties on your bits, because those dresses look like breeding grounds for skin diseases. We’re pretty sure every wigstand goes home at night and sits in her shower, crying, as the scalding hot water does its best to wash away the bad memories.

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Shear Genius

Anonymous

Did I miss something? Where did you meet the gawguss Rene? Do tell all!
Me2
ToddNY

“You’re the guys who were talking about my ass!”

That’s so funny!

Fabulous post, boys. Did I mention that I LOVE Tabatha?

And Ben? I want a motherfuckin’ haircut!!
sistersin

Bitches in the kitchen, y’all! DELICIOUS. Check out that table. DRUNK bitches in the kitchen. The producers must’ve been peeing themselves with delight.

OMG that is fabulous! Just how much alcohol did Bravo purchase for them to drink?????? Cuz ya know, stylists can Paarty!

And the Ben video is just so wrong it is fab. As well as Tabataha rolling around in the mud n loving it.
LindaLA

“Somehow, we need to figure out a way to work this sentence into our conversations more. Turn it into a generic insult. “Oh Mary, you’re really struggling with your up-do today, aren’t you?”

ROFL. I agree. You bitches are the best!!
sistersin

OK peeps don’t forget to keep voting up until tomorrow 12 noon for your favorite stylists. you can head to BravoTv website or you can text message 46833 with Fav stylists first name. GO Tabatha!
danny/ink2metal

you lucky bitches! did you happen to get rene’s number? please feel free to give it to me. i promise i’ll keep all to myself for my own personal pleasure!
brilliant

Did anyone else think that Tyson turned that poor guy into Garth Brooks’ lame alter ego Chris Gaines? I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
macasism

First of all, OMG! You touched Rene! Squeee!!!

Ahem. Anyway, Tab is the bombarama. I’m thinking that the producers learned their lesson from Top Design that teetotaling is just no good for reality tv. Bring on the alcohol, and the bitchery.

Having trouble with my up-do today. bwahahah!
mina.

Wow. BEN. that’s amazing. I liked him before because he was so quirky in a quiet sort of way, but WOW.

I totally want a motherfucking haircut.

and I would totally get my haircut by a NINJA
KlausK

Who wants a MOTHERFUCKIN haircut?
I love my MOTHERFUCKIN haircut!
Go get your MOTHERFUCKIN haircut!!

LOL. Now that’s stuck in my head. Thanks, boys! : – )
Hairclip

“You’re not going into battle to fight the Persians, weasel boy.”

I know, right? The whole time I’m like ‘are you fucking kidding me?’

Hilarious post, bitches!

I can’t wait to watch Ben’s video, but I’m going to have to wait until I get home.
Laura K

Did Jose Eber say “…people from all facts of life…?” Because I’m pretty sure that’s what I heard. Can. not. wait. for. this. episode.
Anonymous

I love Ben!! That video is GREAT!!

And you guys crack me up! Ya’ll make the show even better then
what it is!!
Love it!!
Karrol

“we hope you put bandaids on your nipples and a couple of pairs of industrial strength granny panties on your bits, because those dresses look like breeding grounds for skin diseases” Ohmigod! Hi-sterical. I’ve got tears from laughing so hard.
Nancyinthecity

OHMYGOD Ben’s video is hilarious! Is he a member of the band? He is adorable!
thombeau

Oh. My. Gawd.

You guys made contact with La Fris! You simply MUST tell more! (And of course, he KNOWS his ass is perfect. He had it styled that way!)

Those hideous costumes must have been designed by Cynthia Rowley.

Tabatha RULES! I’ll bet if a poll were taken amongst the Project:Gay readers, she would be the fan favorite. Love her!

This show is so much fun. It’s almost too bad it can’t continue next seson with the same characters. And your take on it is always just right. It’s SHEAR GENIUS!
thombeau

Oooooh Just watched Ben’s video. LOVE HIM!!!
SmartAss

Well, you two aint chopped livuh

(How’s that for fawning …)

But Rene is simply GOAWCHUSS.

You two get to meet the most fabulous people.

Now get Rene to invite you over to his fabulous pad and take even more pictures of him.

And the recap, TOO funny.

Liza’s hair and the septum ring. OMG, I was crying for the guy. Having his hair flat ironed by Tyson!!!!! Nothing like being made into a bitch by a friggin blond poodle. No street cred for him now.

Drunk bitches in the kitchen and Peurto Rican porn stars. BTW, I thought he was cute with long hair and short hair, but Dr. Boogie did do something sparkly with him. Straight my ass.

And Ben is funny crazy, him and his mother fucking hair cut video. But his ninja act at the MALL? for goodness sake.

Can’t wait for this week’s episode and more dish from the gay boys.

You are my idols.

Just sayin-
Anonymous

At least Tyson’s male hair wig looks slimmer after the hair cut, but, it’s one of those hair cuts that you have to maintain to look the same all the time.
The Java Junkie

“Figjam the weasel boy”…excellent!!

(I think I saw those bunkbeds in Top Chef 2…)
Anonymous

I liked Ben.
Then he flashed the Eddie and The Cruisers Soundtrack album during that video.
Now I love him.
Ted

“It takes real talent to make a garage band bass player look like the star of Puerto Rican Butts II.”

Oh no, you bitches didn’t! ROFL. You know you two are going to burn in hell, right? ROFL.
littlekarnak

“Bitches in the kitchen, y’all!”

LMAO! I’m putting that on the invites to our next Girls’ Night Out!
thombeau

“That little seamstress is so totally struggling with her up-do. She ain’t no level 8 blonde!”
Anonymous

I think Ben will get a lot of younger customers at the mall with the ninja costume. Ninjas are cool! Who doesn’t want their har cut by a ninja?
frogboots

“If there’s one thing every guy with a septum ring wants, it’s Liza Minnelli’s hair.”

YES YES YES. best line EV-AR!

ben’s got great eyes. he looks HOT in a ninja suit!

if a ninja accosted me at the mall for a haircut, i’d be all over that shit. especially if the ninja turned out to be ben!
Anonymous

Wow – Ben’s video is GREAT. I began to love him once he burst out laughing when he was in the bottom two. Now I love him because he obviously has the same sick sense of humor as I. I hope he makes it to the final 4.

You bitches are so fabulous.
Martinique

I love Ben but WTF is he wearing? That is crazy! Speaking of crazy, his video is very funny. Thanks, guys!
BrianB

Great picture of you and The Fris! I love how you manage to get with the people who matter the most. Now you have to do something for Movie Musical Mondays, maybe get your picture taken with Robert Osborne from Turner Classic Movies, huh? Or better yet, you two would be great as Guest Programmers with him!

I may be off my nut, but throw a coonskin cap and wool plaid jacket on Tabatha and she could be Scott Farcus, Ralphie’s tormentor in “A Christmas Story”. It’s those scary eyes.

I really want to see Ben do something fabulous, I think he really could but I feel like his expertise doesn’t jive with the types of challenges they do.

BrianB
Kitschtrain

“Bitches in the kitchen, y’all!”

With liquor!!
Anonymous

Oh, Rene. Big sigh.

Anyone else notice all those shoes under that tragic bunk bed? There is at least 5 pairs and counting.

Love, love, love Tab.
Anonymous

uhm…I kinda’ think Tabatha is a know-it-all bitchy snatch. Entertaining? Yes. Respectful? NO. I like Tyson. He’s extremely cute and has a sly but mild demeanor
that seems less confrontational than the others. He has not been shown badmouthing anyone else in any kind of hateful or malicious way. Can’t say that for any of the pack dogs in the kitchen club.
Christie

Man, I shop at that mall all the time. Why couldn’t I have been there the day I could have gotten my hair cut by a ninja?!?!

Ben’s the shit.
Sat What?

“littlekarnak said…
“Bitches in the kitchen, y’all!”

LMAO! I’m putting that on the invites to our next Girls’ Night Out! “

I better receive one!! LOL That is so friggin’ perfect for a GNO!! I will bring the appetizers!
Anonymous

My up-do fell off my head laughing – seriously – nose laughing here….You guys are ON this week!
Alfred

that furniture is from ikea, thats why it looks so cheap
Suzanne

I love Ben because when he fucks up he admits it. He isn’t all “I was really proud of what I did regardless of what the judges say”…..he is more like “yeah that sucked but, whatever. moving right along…..”
Anonymous

to anonymous 6:58: glad you’re checking in, tyson.

by the way, this video makes it looks like they’re making the stylists sleep in someone’s garage. what’s up with that?
madelineanne

Oh mah gawd!!! I NEED a motherfuckin’ haircut!!
That just so made my morning!!!

And I am so jealous that you met the beautiful Rene (and his fabulous tush)!
Jenn

This show is great, your blog is great…just fantastic!

Ben is a fruit loop:) I think it takes a really cool, secure straight guy to handle all the funny looks he probably gets when he tells people he’s a hairstylist! It’s a much different vibe with Ben than, say, Jeffrey of PR3 with the wannabe Butt-head “Huh, huh, I dunno why more straight guys aren’t fashion designers, huh huh,” nonsense.
Mother Hubbard

Wow! Ben is definitely my new fave! Sorry, Anthony.
Doodles

1. Ben’s video was hilarious. Even if he doesn’t win, I hope he does well in the future. As a ninja, if not a stylist.

2. Yeah, those outfits were awful. But it just made the hairstyles look that much better.

3. Glad that Rene took it all in stride. Maybe you’ll get to see his ass next time.

4. HOLY SHIT! That mall is right near me! I wish I had known about it, as I could probably have used a trim!
blusurfer

I haven’t watched the preview yet on Bravo, but all I can think from that still image at the beginning is, “OMG! They’re cutting Ask A Ninja’s Hair!”

Oh, please let someone in this crowd be geeky enough to get that reference.
K.

NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!

OK, I’m not sad that Daisy and Anthony won — I’ve loved both of them from the beginning, but the idea of Ben surviving the two Ts is just insupportable. What a big steaming pile of C***.
Anonymous

How can Tabatha hate Tyson for being so arrogant, but not have a problem with Dr. Boogie?
Anonymous

Regarding tonight’s elimination: okay, can we skip right to the reunion show?
sistersin

NNNNOOOOOOO is right! I had to go get alcohol, i just couldn’t take it! My god Tabatha was too damn good……nooooooo. i think i’m hyper ventilating
Anonymous

SO, did anyone else notice Carissa’s red stove-pipe fireplace in Ben’s Video? The video is a remarkable study on the supressed fabulosity of Captain Super-Straight Ben!!
rooroob

“Who wants a motherfuckin’ haircut? We do, Digital Korruption!!”

*SCREAMS of laughter*

“He really is GOAWCHUSS.”

Um, photo op? Where WAS the party??? Inquiring NYC minds WANT TO KNOW.

“Oh Mary, you’re really struggling with your up-do today, aren’t you?”

That does it. To CafePress with you NOW.
Anonymous

The beds are from the kids dpeartment at Ikea! Phyllis
Roxy

“And kudos to the totally heterosexual Dr. Boogie, who managed to take his client from “dude who works in the used record store” to “gay porn star.” It takes real talent to make a garage band bass player look like the star of Puerto Rican Butts II.”

He did look a little gay at the end, didn’t he? I can’t get over Dr. Boogie. I LOVE him! Not as much as Tabatha, but still… How funny is it that she’s actually named after Betwitched’s daughter? LOL!

And BTW, I hated Tyson’s Elizabethan take. They didn’t powder their hair then and it made his wig stand look about 30 years older. NOT a desirable outcome, IMO.

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