Well, the judges were clear last night: no kids at the grownups table. And TWO eliminations! Black is white! Up is down! Nothing makes sense anymore. We may need a couple days to recuperate from the drama.
Actually, we loved the double elimination. Anything that shakes up the format is a good thing (Top Design producers, pay attention). But before we get into that…
Of course she’s had work done (notice that they NEVER show her in a closeup) but STILL. Compare her to the other Angels, who all look like burn victims in a wind tunnel at this point. She is literally old enough to be the mother of almost everyone on the show. Kelly Garrett, we bow down to your superior genes, as well as your superior surgeon.
We can guarantee that Sally’s obnoxious t-shirt cost at least 150 bucks when you could get the exact same effect by rooting through the bins at Goodwill and picking up some Puffy Paint at an art supply store.
But enough about that. Let’s talk about EVANGELIN.
That is one petrified wig stand. Everyone kept saying “I would RUN if she brought those things near my head.” True, but we would probably run because she’s wearing that hat.
When it looked like she was going to be eliminated in the shag challenge, we both perked up in our seats. “She’s gonna cry!” “Hold it in, girl! You can do it!” “Fuck THAT. Let it out, Honey! Let’s see those waterworks!”
But (thankfully) she was kept in the game and she was surprisingly low-key about the whole thing.
So! How you doing? Isn’t this fun? Oh, honey! Don’t cry! I know it’s exciting but you — OHMIGOD! Did you just wet your pants?”
All credit where it’s due, she really did an incredible job considering the tool she used. Everyone rolled their eyes and laughed at her for picking the garden shears but WHO’S LAUGHING NOW, BITCHES?
Actually, she’s crying now, but they are TEARS OF JOY. HAIR JOY. So congratulations, doll! Every time we see your name we want to shout out “I’d like to solve the puzzle, Pat!” but you did good last night.
Then there was Frodo.
Oh Theodore. Did you learn nothing last week when you spent too much time yakking about color when you should have been working? Honestly, we can’t speak to his talent, simply because there were so few opportunities for him to display it, but we have to say he was cut last night more for maturity issues than talent issues. There was just a little too much “I’m gonna show everyone how fabulous and carefree I am!” and not enough “I need to shut up and do the work.”
Ah well. We were seriously bummed to see him go. He’s adorable, he’s entertaining, and we think he had it in him to do some good work in the competition. But kudos to him for his fabulous exit. He made his gay uncles proud as he sashayed outta there, head held high. Darlings, if you remember nothing else, always remember the credo of fabufags everywhere: “I am FIERCE and I am FABULOUS and I NEVER let them see me cry!”
More hair high jinks tomorrow!