Austin Scarlett, Man of Mystery
“So, I figured, ‘Why not shake things up and dress her up like a Chinese dragon?’ I mean, when you think about it, it only makes sense, right?”
Before we get to the dress, can we just say…
…we hate the hairtits.
Seriously, what the hell? It’s like, if Fred and Barney stopped off at a stripper joint on the way home from the quarry, this is what the girls would look like.
This honestly defies analysis. We still don’t know what the hell he was thinking. It’s just flat ugly and in no way even evokes the whisper of a wedding dress. More like a middle-aged barfly. On the starship Enterprise.
We’ll say it.
She looks like she’s shitting fabric. You just know Michael Kors said the same thing but they edited it out.
One of the very best things about Season 1, is the unintentional comedy provided by Heidi’s rough-around-the-edges role as a hostess. We don’t know what happened between Seasons 1 and 3, but we suspect it was something along the lines of Bravo sending her off to some kind of hostess boot camp.
Bitch had no idea she was even supposed to try to keep it off her face. We miss undiplomatic Heidi.
Oh and nice going with the rack-showing, girl.