Cotton: The Official Fabric of Paranoia
Ignoring the silliness of cotton being the “official fabric” of Project Runway, could Cotton Lady’s pitch have been more innocuous?
“Cotton is, like, totally awesome! You can dye it! Colors! Good luck!”
Uh…yeah. Thank you, Cotton Lady.
Of course, that may have been what we heard but obviously she was sending a message at a pitch that only drama queens can hear:
“Cotton is a trap, I tell you! A TRAP! It’s the bitch of fabrics, and if you turn your back on it, it will drive a fellow designer to SABOTAGE! Watch your backs, bitches! I’m outta here! Just the SMELL of the stuff is driving me crazy!”
What other possible explanation could there be for Kevin’s bizarre accusation?
Something’s…missing… I can’t find…my…dye…”*
On that well-organized workspace? Color us shocked!
*Yes, overuse of ellipses is poor writing, but come on, he really talks like that.
“Cotton Lady is…in my… head. She said… you’re trying to… hurt me. Cotton Lady never …lies. Sweet, sweet Cotton Lady…”
“What? Stop touching me, freakshow.”
“That sure is… a pretty color…Jay. It looks….familiar. I…sure hope…you didn’t…do anything you’d…regret. Cotton Lady…wouldn’t like…it”
“Why do you always sound like you’re reciting Haiku? See this? My cotton! Mine! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to pinch one out and I’d prefer not to do it with the door open. Trust me, you’d prefer it too.”
“Bitch clearly can’t handle his cotton. Me? No, I’ve always dressed like this. Why do you ask?”
But wait, what’s this?
“Lalalala. Here it is, Kevin. I just happened to find it. Over here, right where I’m working. What a coincidence, hunh?”
J’ACCUSE! How is it that we never noticed this before? That bitch took the frickin’ dye!
“HAHAHAHA! Whoo! Sorry about that. It was just the cotton talking! Listen, do you have any extra cotton that you’re not using. I just want to…you know…touch it…”
“I have a hot iron and I’m not afraid to use it, Bitch.”