Item 1: Who is this year’s winner of the Persimmon Princess Crown?
“Bitch, you KNOW I am.”
Oooh, that’s a tough one. The Duchess could get it on longevity alone, but Kaynebow rallied at the end, unveiling a nuclear orange that might just land him the coveted sash and crown. Readers?
Item 2: Execution Music
It was cute how Alison pounded along to the beat of the execution music, but it reminded us that it’s time for it to go. Are you listening, Bravo? Those “winner” and “loser” themes are tired. That jangly guitar that plays every time the winner is announced makes us want to put flowers in our hair and head for San Francisco and that techno pounding leading up to the auf’ing sounds like Darth Vader’s going to come out and lop off a designer’s hand.
Oh, and Girl? Those boots? FIERCE!
Item 3: Dainty Little Models
Oh sure, everyone assumes that the models drop like flies because they’re hungry. This is clearly not the case because models are genetically superior creatures that require little in the way of food. Some nuts and berries a couple of times a week and they’re good. The rest of their nutrition comes from oxygen, which they take in from the gills behind their ears.
No, it’s not hunger that fells the mighty model. It’s drama.
You see, a model’s brain has a highly developed “drama cortex.” The parts of the brain that you and I might use to…say, remember people’s names or fill out tax forms, is, in the brain of a model, taken over by an evolutionary impulse that ensures that the model is the center of attention at all times. This is an ancient survival response that kicks in whenever the model’s body feels threatened by inattention. This response can take the form of fainting spells, taking a header on the runway, crying jags and in its most extreme form, Tyra Banks.
Every 13 seconds another model suffers from lack of attention. Please educate yourself on this serious issue. Tell your friends: PAY ATTENTION TO MODELS. Their very livelihoods depend on it.